On being a tandem nursing mama...

This one may take some of you aback. As best as my (often poor) memory recalls, I haven't spoken of this before here. Grady and Ainslie are three yars apart. During my pregnancy with Ainslie, Grady had some dental issues and had to have work done under anesthesia. It was a difficult experience for us, and I made the decision to go ahead and night-wean then because I wanted to minimize any other dental issues (I do NOT believe breastfeeding causes cavities but I didn't want to feed the already present cavity-causing bacteria by providing breastmilk as a food source). It wasn't too long after then that Grady simply began weaning himself, with his complete weaning coming in April of 2006. He was just a few months shy of three years old.

So, fast forward to, I think, September of 2007. Grady begins asking frequently to nurse. This wasn't entirely new as he had periodically asked since Ainslie had been born. I never said no, but he had previously been content to either pretend to nurse or to just put his mouth to the breast (without sucking) for the merest of seconds and then declare himself "done." When he began asking frequently to nurse, I responded as I had been, but he persisted in asking more and more often, and not being content with the few moments at the breast. In addition, he began speaking very negatively of my loving Ainslie more, him not being my baby anymore, how much he missed nursing, etc. All combined, I felt unable to deny him a genuine opportunity to breastfeed because his need seemed to be so intermixed with his feelings toward his sister, his perception of my love, everything! So, I said yes. I truly did not think he would remember how. To this point, it had seemed very much like he no longer new how to latch-on. BUT, I was wrong. He rediscovered the ability with a vengeance.

Thus began Grady asking to nurse every time he saw Ainslie at the breast. She was a fairly new walker and so was often more interested in exploring everything around rather than being in my arms. Grady, on the other hand, was rediscovering his love of nursing and revelling in it. I remember saying to friends, "Grady nursed today more than Ainslie did!"

My feelings were mixed. I had no problems with nursing a child of his age, just past his fourth birthday, but we still had definite difficulties. When she did want to nurse, Ainslie was positive she didn't want to share. Whereas many moms figure out tandem positioning with a newborn and older child, I was suddenly thrown into attempting to position very squirmy and territorial one- and four-year-olds. Ainslie routinely gouged Grady's eyes and tore at his hair. And yet, his determination to nurse continued.

I also found the sensation of nursing two, especially two with extremely strong sucks, to be sometimes overwhelming. There were many times when I know I had a look on my face that strongly said "I'm just trying to get through this moment."

On the other hand, I had some aspects easier than many tandem nursing mamas do. Grady had been night-weaned for 20 months (in fact, he'd been completely weaned for 18 months). So, I had none of the nighttime disruption that some moms experience when they're called upon to nurse two. And I didn't deal with the extreme oversupply that can sometimes happen when a newborn arrives to an already nursing mother.

This brings us up to now, March of 2008. Grady will be five in July, Ainslie will be two. There's a lot of variability but Grady still nurses one to two times a day. He usually asks more but I try to offer a substitution. And, there's still those days that, for whatever reason, he seems to need it a lot, and he nurses several times. He hasn't seem to be self-conscious of it, which doesn't surprise me given that our social circle is comprised of so many nursing pairs and trios. He nurses most anywhere, in front of most anyone.

I've told him that when he turns five, our nursing days will be over. He is not keen on this. He even says, -- "if I don't take any birthday presents, it's not a real birthday and I can keep nursing, right?" But, I think I'm ready to be done. I say that I "think" because I am bittersweet all over again about this parting. I'm pleased and as proud of anything that I've ever done that I was able to give him something that he still had a genuine need for. And there's not a doubt in my mind that there's no coincidence that over the course of this winter when we've been sick and sick and sick again, Grady has been the healthiest. I think he combined the power of a slightly older immune system (compared to Ainslie) with receiving the power of Super Mama Milk (that Fionna no longer has) and managed to stay well, for the most part.

We'll see how the next few months evolve. I remind him frequently that he'll be five in about four months. He always immediately answers "I don't want to wean." And I counter with, "when we wean, we'll snuggle, we'll tickle, we'll read, we'll have special time anyway you want." I hope this message settles in, and that Grady won't experience those feelings of being left-out and sadness that he so acutely felt before. It's something I'm working hard on.

As for being a breastfeeding mother, I don't think my career is anywhere near over. Ainslie is more than meeting the challenge of keeping me occupied on this front. And that's just fine with me...