MamaBlogger

Pumpkin patch

2009-11-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

Autumn is here, my favorite season! :)

The kids (Zephyr, Jubi, Grady & Ainslie ) and I are prepping to do a pumpkin/turkey craft this morning. Handling the plump, blazing orange pumpkins made me think of the day the family ventured out to the local pumpkin patch and maize maze last month and chose the pumpkins. We are fortunate to have this fun Fall venue right down the road from us, literally moments away.

Honestly, I'm not that big of a fan of the maze aspect. Where we live, even late October is frequently sunny and hot. And being somewhat directionally challenged, I'll admit to having never actually reached the end of the maze.

So, we've developed a routine of playing on the carts, tractors, the tricycle races, the tractor tire mountain, etc. Our main destination is always the big PVC plastic slides. And we always end up by choosing pumpkins to take home.

Conquering Tractor Tire Mountain. They vehemently refused to face the sun for me so we ended up with a dark picture.

Regretfully, I didn't catch a shot of it but this year Ainslie discovered the big slides for real, as in, she did them over and over and over and over and over all by herself (and with her best bud Jubi whom we had bumped into). No more lap sitting for Ainslie. :) Jubi and Ainslie perfected the art of sailing through massively long lines and crowded waits by just being small and scooting right on through.

Grady's moving pretty fast.

Lenny did manage to capture this shot of Grady and I. Grady, jealous that I was pulling ahead in what I didn't even realize was a race, grabbed hold. What he grabbed onto, with a iron grip, hurt like heck, thus my expression.

Something new and very fun this year was riding the pedal, go-carts around a track. Grady went around the junior track so many times I was tired just watching. He really enjoyed barreling around the curves, tilted to the side, making screeching sounds. Fionna was tall enough to ride a larger pedal cart on the main course, and Ainslie joined in on that one while riding on Lenny's lap.

All in all, another great day at the local pumpkin patch. I'm thankful for the fun, the friends, the memories and the pumpkins. We've done jack-o-lanterns (bad mom didn't get any pictures of those), strewn them around the front yard as decorations, and now we're onto turkey crafting. Stay tuned for those pictures (hopefully).

Full plate (a blog catch-up)

2009-10-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Sunset at White Sands one September evening

While I haven't felt particularly "bloggy" lately, I've also just been so damned busy. When my children were babies (and I had fewer kids, period), people would tell me, "Just wait until they're older and then things will be really crazy." I didn't get it then. The intensity of having babies and breastfeeding and being sleep deprived and touched out by going through day and night with a babe constantly in arms seemed so overwhelming that I couldn't imagine another phase of parenting that would consume my time in such a manner. BUT, now having three all with schedules and activities of their own and finding myself as the "GODDESS MOTHER of MAKING IT ALL RUN SMOOTHLY" gives me a new appreciation for how hectic family life is.

Fionna continues in public school, in third grade this year. She has drama after school one day a week and is in Taekwondo two afternoons a week. Grady is homeschooling, also doing Taekwondo twice a week, and in soccer (practice twice a week and games on Saturdays). Ainslie tags along for the ride but adds plenty of craziness to the mix, believe me. ;)

I have class on Tuesday nights, 6-8:30. I've gotten into a routine of grocery shopping after class, when the store is a bit less hectic, and I don't have the kids along to complicate things. My other two classes are online, so I do that classwork late at night and at stolen moments, waiting at Taekwondo, at soccer practice, etc. On the one or two days a week that the kiddoes are at Nora's, I do a big library trip (kids are checking out 30-40 books and audiobooks a month these days), hit the coffee shop and run other errands. Then it's home to do homework (and laundry, of course. That's another facet of family life that seems to be increasing exponentially). Three and a half hours alone seems like bliss but it always absolutely whizzes by.

I'm still teaching R.E. (stands for religious education but I find it a bit of a nisnomer, honestly, we don't talk about "religion") at the Unitarian Universalist church we attend on Sundays. I teach the primary class along with sweet LeeAnna who assists me and does childcare (for the very young children). We read books, do lots of arts and crafts and lovely free play with blocks, puppets, dress-up, trucks and cars, and a very nice, oversize dollhouse. I'm also still a La Leche League Leader and leading two meetings a month, one at my home and one in our public location, as well as taking phone calls and answering emails.

The hardest part, personally, is finding time to exercise. I'm trying to make that a priority, both for myself, and as a healthy model of the kids. Another difficulty I'm experiencing recently is, spending all my "free" time studying, I find absolutely no time to read for pleasure. I really miss it. :(

A new pleasure though is spending some time dancing, be it in public or home alone. I find it is a fabulous way to escape and leave my thinking mind and just "be." Fortunately, I have some inimitable women in my life to teach me and share this with. I look forward to developing it as another aspect of life, just as reading, that I can pull out and destress with whenever I choose.

While I haven't had the time to devote to it as I would like, another of my loves, herbalism and essential oils are still a huge part of life for me. While I didn't think of it too much over the summer, with the advent of cooler weather and sick season, I find myself turning more and more often to my herbal cabinet and brewing teas and oiling blends to tend us all.

Time to get off the computer and busy (going to de-germ the house, we've all been sick). In the meantime, I'll leave you with some recent pictures.

Lenny's belated birthday celebration with family & friends.

Grady lost his first tooth. :)

The substance of my days...

2009-10-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Halloween crafting

We all know, life has its rhythms and seasons, the ebb and flow. And one of the major "flows" of life for me these days is time spent with children. Duh, you may say, but I'm referring to a different quality of time spent with kids. For months now, maybe 9-10, I've been engaging in a childcare exchange with a very close friend, Nora. Her kids, Zephyr and Jubi are absolutely bestest buddies with my two youngest, Grady and Ainslie. Both pairs, the "girls" and the "boys" are within a year of age of each other, and they just get along fabulously. So, once or twice a week, I have our young friends over for about 3.5 hours. The kids pair off and play in such a way that I almost always am left with this idyllic sense of "Aha, this is the beauty of childhood!" Their nonsense games and imaginative play leave me admiring the essence of their quirky fun and their ability to find ways to engage and occupy themselves in any number of myriad ways. While seldom do I need to actively work to engage them, I've found that this has freshened my perspective of playing with kids. I enjoy thinking of games (like number scavenger hunts) and crafts (today, sheet ghosts, clay skulls and pipe cleaner skeletons).

block city

Another fabulous benefit for our family is that on days when our friends are over, the tv is never even a thought. Television and my children's ridiculous obsession with it have always been one of my top struggles. They don't need the television though when there's hands-on, wild fun right in their own home. I don't have to remind them to go outside because they're eager to play there together. They even eat better when they're all together. :) I know, I sound like I'm a promoter for my particular situation but it's become such a joy and made for such easy, happy days that I can't help but gush. :)

block rocket flying to the (foil) moon

I'll be the first to admit that my own children have and do often tax my patience with their constant noise (I do love me some peace and quiet) and clamoring for me to play yet another pretend game in which I'm coached to repeat inane "lines" that I'm not allowed to change. Somehow, though, the scheduled built in playmates have really taken the pressure off of me as my kids now have even better playmates than ol' mom. AND, don't get me wrong, the one or two mornings to myself per week when my kids are at their friends' house don't hurt my overall appreciation for our situation. That is when I do get the chance to have peace and quiet, and all manner of other things that aren't as easy to come by when the rugrats are under foot. :)

camping in the kitchen

tea party in big sister's bed

Tormadoes...

2009-08-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

No, my spelling isn't going south. That's how Grady pronounces the name of his new soccer team, the Tornadoes. This is one mispronunciation that I can't let stand. He's already told two people that he plays with the Tormadoes and they both said something along the lines of "Tornado or tomato?" Grady looked at me each time with a look like, "Gee, which is it, mom?"

So, he does indeed have a new soccer team. He's playing U8 (eight and under) this year so it should be faster paced than last year (played U6). School starts next week for Fionna, so I'm already girding my loins for the nonstop schedule that will bring.

I haven't blogged about it since it's such a sore point but we no longer have our chickens. A neighbor complained about the noise and since the lovely, non-progressive city we live in doesn't allow chickens (even hens only as our's were) in the city limits, we were visited by animal control and given 24 hours to get rid of the "girls." Luckily, the neighboring, small (and smarter ;) ) township does allow chickens and, even better, two sets of friends were happy to incorporate some of hens into their existing flocks. So, the "girls" got split up and sent to two new homes. The kids were initially devastated but haven't stayed blue over it. I, however, miss them tremendously. I miss feeding them our food scraps, I miss gathering their lovely eggs that I admired every single time I handled them, I miss their quiet, companionable sounds. :(

Snippets...

2009-08-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

Oh, my poor little blog. Woefully neglected. Life is just...life. Busy, tumultuous, laden, exhausting, sometimes just dull and boring, but whatever it is, I'm not good at being a steady, disciplined writer. Something to add to my list of life "to-do's." Today, mentally chuckling over some of my kids' "funnies," I decided I'd quit letting them fall by memory's wayside and begin chronicling them, in snippets. No, not as fulfilling as the full-on journaling that I liked to do in my blog but they'll certainly have their own value. And maybe visiting the ol' blog more often, even for moments, will help me get back in the habit.

So, here goes:

Today, following Lenny to breakfast (he's in his tow truck, we're in the car), Grady shouts eagerly, "We're right on his tail." Ainslie, who's been wailing and grumpy all morning, laments in the saddest, crying voice: "My daddy doesn't have a tail. He's a boy." She just got angrier as we all hooted with laughter.

Ainslie is heavy-duty into the tea parties these days. Pretend, with many, many nonsensical elements, they get a bit onerous (hey, I'm being honest here. The other day, as I snoozed my way through yet another one, literally, laying on her bed, surrounded with stuffed animals and other bits and pieces of her pretend world, I hear her say: Mama, your eyes need to wakey up. We're having a tea party here."

Another one, that Ainslie will someday hate me for setting to paper (or screen, as it is): She comes up to me, sticks one index finger right into my face, up against my lips, and I pretend bite it. We often pretend to gobble each other up. This time she says "Oh, don't do that. I just stuck it in my yoni (our word for vagina and all girl-parts in general) and I need to wash it." I have a feeling the look on my face was priceless.

I'm drawing a blank for Fionna. Interactions with a nine-year-old are just different. All that comes to mind for Grady right now is that he's been saying "horse field" a lot, for "force field." Does it make me a bad parent that I don't correct him as I consider it so cute? :)

How to Dye Easter Eggs Naturally...

2009-04-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

How to Dye Easter Eggs Naturally

This is a new blog I've started reading recently. I enjoyed this entry. Natural dyes always seemed like maybe a lot of work, or less than vibrant colors, to me before. This makes it sound both easy and beautiful. It seems like we work so hard to make sure we have the best and most natural eggs to eat, it's only fair to make dying them naturallly of equal priority. That's something else I need to fit into the next week, an egg dying affair. Even though we don't celebrate Easter, we always welcome in Spring with some lovely eggs...

Come see us, and a chicken, tomorrow!!!

2009-04-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

This just in...We get to repeat the fabulous fun we had last Spring at the local Farmer's Market. We will be there with the local group C.L.U.C.K. (Citizens Legalizing Urban Chicken Keeping), and we will have one of our chickens in tow. We had so much fun last year and got to chat with and interact with so many people. Come be part of the fun. :)

Just life...

2009-03-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

I haven’t blogged in awhile. Usually, when I have a blogging hiatus, it meant life was too crazy, I was too overwhelmed, or the like. Those things are probably all currently true but I think the main reason is honestly that I haven’t had a “theme.” Yes, I’m the quintessential English-major type that organizes her blogs, even the mental ones, by theme. But, because I know the blogging habit is one kept up, even sporadically, here I am.

I’m calling this one “just life” because that’s what’s been happening. Neither the horrible nor the wonderful, just the usual. We have been busy, no doubt about that. We’re at the time of year when one kid activity hasn’t quite ended and yet another has begun and so they run head into tail into another one (Fionna has three semi-overlapping activities happening right now). The time change has the kids just a little overtired and myself just a bit worse at keeping us on a semi-routine.

I am feeling some urgency in regards to my yard and garden. Spring is springing, that bright new golden green graces so many trees and bushes and plants here where we live. Bulbs are blooming, as are fruit trees and other hardy plants like some of my sages. We’ve already seen early frogs venturing out although, alas, we found one oh-so-tiny guy frozen and dead on our concrete in the back yard. We had a few surprise almost-freezing nights. I guess he should have consulted the Froggers Almanac. Our young chickens (the one-day-old chicks we purchased mail-order in November) are maturing and venturing into the egg laying kingdom. Their eggs are so small compared to our mature layers, very cool to see. They live with the "big" chickens now; we opened the barrier between their two pens so both groups could have additional space. There's definitely a pecking order, younger hens seldom get first pick at choice scraps, but nothing truly amiss has gone on between the two groups. Pretty good, I'd have to say, for nine "women" confined together.

Our turtle, Myrtle, is once again an outdoor turtle. She seemed particularly mopey of late, venturing out of her rock cave less and less often. She would come out for a few bites of banana every few days but she hadn’t been cavorting in her water dish, or chased crickets in several weeks. My comfort level with keeping a wild animal captive is never very high….so, we released her into our backyard last week. She’s in an area with ivy growing on the ground and low on the wall. It has some nice cypress mulch from a previous gardening attempt (trying to keep violets moist enough here to survive. Didn't happen. I still didn't keep them wet enough). We do have some garden edge pavers bordering it but I think if she badly wanted to, she could get out. However, at this point, all she seemed to want to badly do is to burrow deep and dark. Perhaps we interrupted her normal hibernation by keeping her inside and semi-awake all winter. I’m glad she’s back in the big world, but I hope she’ll share the occasional glimpse of herself with us, ever so often.

I have, essentially, one month of school left. Although there’s a bit more than that on the calendar, by the end of April, most of my assignments will be (or should be) wrapped up. I eagerly await it although mounds and mounds of work will have to be scaled between then and now. I’m already mentally struggling with the question of summer school. Right now, for us school equals loans and loans equal income, so I should go. The question is can I swing it? I’m not sure how online summer school classes would work; I’m imagining they are intense.

Well, my upcoming week holds busyness – typical school and kid park playday schedule, American Indian week at the University including a couple of functions I’d like to attend (Parade of All Nations and an Expo this weekend with drumming and dancing), Fionna has a museum field trip that the little ones and I will tag along on, La Leche League meeting at my house Thursday night, two birthday parties this weekend, a visiting Irish fiddler I’d love to see on Saturday night…

Like I said, it’s just life.

So proud. My lemonade award. :)

2009-03-02T20:52:00.001-08:00

Mostly, my blog is just my way of updating friends and family. Within myself (but probably not so much for others), it is also a creative outlet, letting me write and ponder what's happening in my world. I also wouldn't mind if it were more of a soapbox for issues near and dear to my heart, but those posts usually live on in my 'noggin. So, I was the very surprised, and proud, recipient of the news that I'd been nominated for the "Lemonade Award." Needless to say, it made me very happy for my humble little blog to get such a nice pat on the back. Thank you, Becca. :)

Here are the rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude

3. Link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link this post to the person from whom you received your award.

I must admit, Becca and I share the same circle of people that we admire and read. So, normally I'd be tagging Nora and Connor. I'm going to reach outside of the blogs of people I actually know though and tag people who are strangers to me and, yet, have impacted me with their writing.

Therefore, the "Lemonade" goes to:

The Medicine Woman's Roots -- Kiva Rose is an herbalist extraordinaire. I also admire to the extreme the life she chooses to make for herself and those important for her.

The Crunchy Chicken -- This blogger is at the forefront of thinking about conservation and low-impact living. I always learn something and am spurred to analyze my own behaviors in regard to the issues she addresses.

Sweet/Salty -- This blogger experienced the loss we all dread, that of a child, and has repeatedly humbled and moved me with her courage to share what she's feeling and going through. I imagine I'd read her blog regardless (I love the wit and honesty) but encountering this blog just about at the point that her twins were born, I found myself drawn in in the most compelling of ways.

Breastfeeding & Scheduled biopsy? Read on...

2009-03-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/2009/02/03/breastfeeding-scheduled-for-a-biopsy-read-this-and-pass-it-on/

Breastfeeding? Scheduled for a biopsy? Read this and pass it on.
February 3, 2009
Today I have a guest post from Tanya of Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog. She’s trying to spread the word about this valuable research and I’m happy to do my small part by passing it along to you. The original post is here and it is copied and pasted (with permission) below.
Picture this: You’re breastfeeding. You notice a lump. First maybe you think it’s a plugged duct. But then it doesn’t go away, after many, many feedings. You’re worried about it, so you make an appointment with your doctor, who doesn’t think it’s related to breastfeeding. She sends you for a mammogram, but you’re told that you’ll have to have weaned for six months before the test can be done. What do you do?*
I’ve mentioned before that I’m involved in a powerful research project based at the University of Massachusetts, and supported by the Love/Avon Army of Women breast cancer project.
I’d like to explain more about it now, and ask for your help in recruiting participants for it.
It’s probably news to most of us (it was to me) that when you make milk, cells from your milk ducts are exfoliated off in the process. These are called epithelial cells, and they’re detectable in your milk.
Past research has demonstrated that long before we notice a lump, those epithelial cells start changing in ways that are precursors to the development of breast cancer.
Dr. Kathleen Arcaro, a UMass professor who studies breastfeeding and breast cancer risk wants to analyze those cells. She’s been nice enough to visit a breastfeeding group I run, and answer questions about breastfeeding and breast cancer.
The primary goal of her research is to determine if it’s possible to create a non-invasive, early way of assessing our breast cancer risk through our breastmilk. If it’s successful, it would also establish ‘molecular biomarkers’ for breast cancer risk.
An additional benefit to breastfeeding mothers is that we would not be told, as some are, to wean before a mammogram or biopsy can be done. No more choosing between breastfeeding and a breast cancer test. It could be as simple and sending in a milk sample to a lab!
In order to conduct this research, Dr. Kathleen Arcaro needs to find 250 women who are both lactating and scheduled for a biopsy. To participate, you’d overnight milk samples to her lab, at no cost to you.
So if you, or someone you know, is both breastfeeding and scheduled for a biopsy, please ask them to email either me, Dr. Arcaro, or Dr. Sarah Lennington as soon as possible. You can visit the project’s website to learn more.
If you write a blog or are in contact with lots of moms on a forum, please pass this link around!
And if you haven’t done it yet, register for the Love/Avon Army of Women. You’ll join one million women volunteering to become part of a rich pool of women researchers can use to find the causes and prevention of breast cancer. You can see other participating studies on the site. Here’s a recent Today Show clip on the project.* Mammograms can be done on lactating breasts, but they are viewed as less accurate than on non-lactating breasts. Some doctors will do them, others require mothers to wean first. Some send mothers for ultrasounds.

Getting those photos taken care of...

2009-02-25T12:22:00.000-08:00

Grady, second from right on the bottom row, at his first Tae Kwon Do demonstration in January.

These three Tae Kwon Do shots come from the practice room. This is where a lots of wild rumpuses occur after class. Grady adores it.

Ainslie, in an "Ainslie original." Not one, not two but three dresses, layered. She went to church this way.

This is what happens these days when you tell Ainslie to smile for the camera. For some reason, those eyes just can't stay open...

Christmas morning, 2008. We never have too many shots, too busy helping the kids whirl through their gifts. Fionna here is receiving, what I am told, is a girl's requisite Barbie styling head.

Sad to say, my only xmas shot of Grady is this horribly blurry thing. At least he's happy (it's a pinball game that he's opening).

Ainslie very much loved opening gifts, anyone's gifts, this year.

Waiting for her sit-and-spin... (I just typed sit-and-spit. That would be the Grady version.)

A rare, these days, happy shot of all three. Ainslie, again, created her own outfit.

Fionna at her Winter school music show. She was thrilled to be front and center, right by the mic. A starlet's dream...

Making homemade gingerbread houses (also known as eating lots of powdered sugar frosting).

Grady, at that point, had eaten a little less than Ainslie. You can actually recognize what he's up to.

Bummer, I can't get it to turn the right direction. You get the idea. More corny kid holiday cheer. :)

Just a check in...

2009-02-25T07:19:00.000-08:00

I don't seem to have the mental room these days to ruminate on blogs (I used to get around to posting only a fraction of the one's I'd mentally mapped out), much less share pictures with everyone). The picture deal is partly because the digi camera uploads to the desktop computer, and I'm always on my (new, and so fabulous) laptop.

But, I thought some sort of an update would be better than nada, right?

School for me is starting to get into full swing. I'm enjoying it far more than I anticipated. Before starting, it just sounded like adding "x" amount of work to my already full days but now I'm seeing the payoff, and thus the motivation, as I am becoming more and more interested and engaged with what I'm learning. It all seems very relevant and applicable, and those are absolute musts for me. I'm not good with theoretical crappola that I can't imagine ever using (I'm sure my high school math teacher heard me spout these words a few dozens of times).

School has proven to be a bit more frustrating for Fionna, of late. Homework is coming home in droves (I'm talking like 2 hours worth per night). I've reached the point where I have entered into "Grand High Executive Decision-Making Mode" and I just deem that she won't do most of it. It's worksheets, mind-numbing, repetitive, you get the picture. So, we do the more crucial stuff and pitch the rest. I plan to address it with her teacher in the next few days. I think some is AES stuff that is supplementary and supposed to keep her from being bored but it seems punitive to her when it just means she slaves away with her pencil for even more time at home. Our unfortunate children here are getting one mere 20-minute recess per day and that combined with the excessive homework has me very frustrated. I got to the point the other night that I offered her the option of pulling out of school for the remainder of this year, homeschooling, and re-evaluating in the Fall. Of course, she refused. She's a social little creature.

Grady maintains that he has no interest in attending kindergarten in the Fall. I think it's mostly a combination of separation and social anxiety. But, I honored Fionna's feelings when she was at this stage, and I'm committed to doing the same for Grady. We currently work, when the opportunity lends itself and he's in the mood, on number identification, letter sounds, the fine motor skills of beginning handwriting (with dot-to-dots, mazes, drawing letters). He's not really into this stuff but sometimes finds it exciting, and I try to capitallize on those moments. I do feel very positively about Grady's social circle and extracurricular activities right now. We seem to be in the midst of one of those golden times when we have lots of wonderful friends and lots of opportunities to spend time with them. I absolutely love our looong, extended park days and impromptu playdates. And soccer and Tae Kwon Do continue to be really fun, pleasing activities for Grady. I love seeing him so engaged and eager and having such fun.

Ainslie....I feel like she's made some developmental leaps just recently. Her pretend play is evolving and becoming more complex. What's really uncanny for me is how closely she mimics the ways in which Fionna engaged in pretend play. The themes, the behavior, it's all so similar. I use to call Fionna the "little director," and Ainslie is making an excellent play at being the Little Director Numero Dos. She has very, very particular ideas of what she'd like to play with me and how I should participate. So, it's not enough to play "house" type of games. I have to be in a certain spot, do a certain number of things, say just the right things, etc. I spend a lot of time on her bed (a prop, considering that she sleeps in the big family bed in THE bedroom) in her room, eyes closed, pretending to be the baby. My one weekly absence, on Monday nights for class, is really causing her an increase in sadness. She handled it well at first but her distress seems to be escalating. I've just decided, on someone's advice, to try to be more matter-of-fact about it and try to get away from making it a big deal. Hopefully she'll soon settle into it as just another part of our routine. Although it's a three hour class, she goes to bed within 30-60 minutes of me leaving so it's not anything that should disrupt her routine all that much. Ainslie is also starting to really love and seek out certain characters. Dora is an unfailing hit, as are Pooh Bear and the 100 Acre Wood gang. She also just started to notice and ask for Mickey and Minnie Mouse, which is funny because Fionna went through a Mickey and Minnie love affair at almost the exact same age. I was even able to dig through the big closest of saved clothing/shoes and pull out two pair of Minnie shoes in just Ainslie's size.

Well, the Dora episode which bought me the time to write is ending. And I have a LLL homevisit in about an hour which means I really ought to be showering and picking up the house (the mom is coming to me this time). Dear Blog, I promise to try to get some pictures up. I miss seeing evidence of our happy days on here. Until then...hasta...

What day is it?

2009-02-07T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'll admit it. I frequently think that as I wake up in the morning these days. And it's not impossible that I have to ask myself the question again as I travel through the day.

School has begun for me, along with some other new family ventures, including Tae Kwon Do, spring soccer (those two for Grady) and Drama Club, SEMAA (a university/elementary cooperative science-themed after-school program), a day of homeschooling, and spring dance for Fionna. All while we continue Pistoleros and the things I was already committed to doing, like leading La Leche League meetings and doing home visits and teaching the primary class in Religious Education on Sundays at our local Unitarian Universalist church. My friend Nora just blogged about what a regular week looks like for them. I was struck by the contrast between what my former weeks looked like and what my current weeks look like. Life really does evolve dramatically as your children grow and develop interests. When you throw mom's and dad's interests into the mix, it can get quite insane. For posterity's sake, here's a page out of my weekly calendar right now...(I'll exclude all the entries relating to the nine credit hours I'm taking, the ones saying read such-and-such article or do this online quiz or write this paper).

Monday: 3 hours of bliss as Nora watches Grady and Ainslie (part of our child-care exchange). Simultaneously, Fionna is home as Monday is now our home-school day (she's staying home one day of the week to home-school). Fionna and I begin our time sans younger sibs with a half-hour walk. Then I try to work either on my own school needs or organizing the house for the week (this might mean menu planning, intense laundry processing or just cleaning). Fionna is working on learning to type, and then just follows her interests... When Ainslie and Grady return home, we have one of our quieter days with nothing much to do for the rest of the afternoon until it's time for me to get supper going. Monday night I have a class from 7:20-9:50 so I'm quite focused right now on Mondays being smooth and very on-schedule, to minimize any upset for the kids (and Lenny) as I leave and he takes over bedtime. After class, I often return home to study/read more before heading to bed.

Tuesday: Playgroup, as always. An addition though is I'm taking my cousin's daughter Kat to playgroup with us and then dropping her off at daycare afterward. We have a short break between playgroup and then it's off to pick up Fionna, drop her at dance, and then race to Tae Kwon Do. After that, we race again to pick up Fionna and then it's home for homework, supper, baths, etc. Again, I'm trying to make sure Tuesdays are smooth sailing as I have a weekly one-hour chat on Tuesday evenings for one of my online classes. Once a month, a mere fifteen minutes after I finish up that chat session, I will have to be on the phone for a La Leche League of NM Area Administration Team conference call. That takes usually an hour to an hour and a half. After that, it's studying again for me.

Wednesday morning is open (thankfully), and I often use this time to grocery shop. Fionna has Drama Club on Wednesdays after school so we pick her up an hour later than usual. We have an awkward gap between that and soccer practice so we've began heading to an area park for the kids to play, while I study on the sidelines. Soccer practice (did I mention I'm newly the assistant coach) at 5:15, lasting until 6 and then we race home to have supper (if I'm lucky, I've got supper going in the slow-cooker). Once a month, we have a potluck with some friends that we try to make, if my kids aren't too exhausted.

Thursday: My kids love this day as it means that Zephyr and Jubi are headed over to our house to spend three hours with us. Sometimes I accomplish household tasks (like folding or hanging laundry) but sometimes I just play. Either scenario works well. After they head home, we have another short break and then it's off to Tae Kwon Do. After that, we do our usual hustle to get Fionna from SEMAA (a program, cooperatively taught by the local university and the local elementaries, teaching science) and then we really have to race to make it to Pistoleros (we're often a bit late). You may or may not remember that this is the basketball handling group that the kids have done for a couple of years. Not only do we have weekly hour-long practices but we have several performances at university games scattered throughout the season. One week a month, the evening La Leche League meeting (held at my house) falls on this night and we go straight from basketball to that.

Friday: Only one monthly scheduled activity, a La Leche League meeting on the first Friday of the month. Other than that, this can be a catch-up day for me and a mellow, at-home day for my kids. Once or twice a month though, Grady does have the opportunity to attend an optional Tae Kwon Do sparring practice that we try to attend.

Saturdays: Almost always, we head to the Farmer's Market. We've been going there regularly (at least the kids and I, Lenny when he can manage) for probably 5 years at least. You can't beat the atmosphere (music, good foods, local goodies) and the opportunity for two storytimes (with tokens for free books at my favorite bookstore on earth). Right now, Saturdays are about to get busy with soccer games as well. At other times of the year, it can be a more mellow. And, there's always the variable of birthday parties and other social invitations. Today, for instance, we have both a birthday to go to and a supper invite.

Sunday: For the past year and a half, I've been teaching the Primary class (kids age 2-5) in Religious Education at the Unitarian Universalist we attend. For the curious, this class isn't really about teaching religion but about teaching that people believe and honor their beliefs in a wide variety of ways, across the world. UU's aren't really religious per se but rather are more often worried about social action, equity for all, respect for our fellow humans, some are spiritual, etc. (Just in case you thought it odd that I'd be going to church, lol. You're not the first).

Recently, Lenny and I have been switching off on the weekends to try to give each other kid-free time. For me, it's about studying and working on school word; Lenny has recently started playing paint ball with friends. So, for instance, Lenny may take the kids to the river, a local duck pond or the park. When it's my turn, I usually do our usual routines (like the Farmer's Market or church or a birthday party) and don't guilt Lenny into coming.

Busy times. It makes me smile to think of the days when I only had Fionna and looked forward to a weekly grocery shopping trip, or maybe picking Lenny up from work. Although, that was just as hard, the isolation and loneliness, as the busy schedule can be.

Sad beyond words...

2009-02-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

I had some horrible news tonight. A good friend, someone I don't get to talk to much anymore, but nevertheless, a very good friend, has found out her young daughter has a terminal genetic disorder. She let me know, as she asked for help for another family, suffering from the same grim news, except in their case, they will lose two children to this disease. In honor of her little one, I pass on her request...

http://www.ahundredforahome.com/

If you can't help this family personally, pass the word around. The idea that keeps revolving through my head is: It could be any one of us...

I think I can honestly call this one "Me"

2009-01-12T10:20:00.001-08:00

I sit here, feeling a heavy burden of words, phrases, thoughts, experiences damned up, having spent time waiting for the bloggy moment. They were so poignant, so pressing and vivid as I did them, thought them, created them but now they are all of a jumble. I meant, last time I managed to blog, to write what for me was going to be a momentous blog, relating major changes in our family's life, changes that have been afoot or astir since last summer. And I didn't get it done. So, the pent up morass seems even more dense. I'll see how much I manage to relate now...

I think that I stand upon a cusp, a precipice, into a new phase of my life. Early last summer, Lenny lost his job of eight years. It was initially a staggering blow as we've lived paycheck to paycheck, week to week for oh-so-long, probably ever since I quit my job when Fionna was 18 months, and we just began taking it one day at a time. The blow softened and then even transformed as my enormous, titanic relief became manifest that Lenny no longer was working a job that sucked so much of the marrow from our lives. We realized what it was to have time together, to make family commitments and plans and actually follow through. Of course, our ability to enjoy this time was much strengthened by the fact that my mom came through in a Herculean way and carried us financially for a few weeks. When Lenny found a job, I think about two-three weeks later, we realized that although a very ideal job (as another towing job it combines his apparent ideal profession with some more flexibility and respect for family needs, in a way the other job never did), we were making a little less than half of what we'd previously made. Again, my mom saved the day in making ends meet for us when our paycheck couldn't. This is not to say that life carried on as usual, with my mom footing the bill. We let our only vehicle go, now driving a 12-year-old repo'd car (very generously bestowed upon us by Lenny's new employers). Lots of bills went unpaid, luxuries certainly disappeared. I discovered what it is to be humble and seek assistance in the form of WIC and food stamps. But life went on and, again, was actually sweeter in so many ways.

So, this brings us to my own personal anticipated changes. We knew we could not continue to rely on my mom's support. The economy is hitting everyone, her no less than others. While work was an option, it weighed oh-so-heavily upon me to think of leaving my younger two before the time that Fionna and I had experienced separation (when she started school, at six). So, in an attempt to blend considerations, make money and prepare for the future, I'm returning to school, graduate school, at night and online. The "making" money part will come in the form of student loans. Further debt, yes, but positive debt with a definite goal in mind. I'm going to be pursuing an MA in Education, with the goal of becoming a Language Arts/English teacher. My ideal job would be community college/university classes but I'm sure I'll end up teaching high school first.

The pluses? Earning an income that, to my family living so meagerly, looks very posh. Having a schedule very similar to what my children will be following while in school. Not being on the job until very soon before or actually until Ainslie enters kindergarten.

The downside? Letting go of some dreams that weren't financially feasible but still have holds on my heart. Letting go of the option of full-time homeschooling my kids if we should ever opt for that. Re-entering the establishment and rat race that I was all too happy to kiss goodbye. The likelihood of having some overwhelming times as the dynamic of this household has always pretty well been that the kids, the house, the pets/garden/critters are all my domain.

So, perhaps, this sheds some light on why things, seemingly mundane, have seemed major to me. Life continues to go on and in a very swimming fashion. I have three happy, healthy and very busy children. I'm just trying to find my own path in the sometimes swampy terrain of how I continue to be the be-all-and-end-all for them (right now) and forge myself in new ways...

Well, I had more to say about my adventures of this morning (child-free, trying to repair our chicken coop, high comedy, yes) but my hands are too cold to type. Must seek hot (caffeinated, of course) beverage... ;) Ta!

Did I seriously not blog about Halloween?

2008-12-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

This can't be right! I sat down today to compose an entirely different blog but as I scrolled down the last few entries, I kept looking for the Halloween blog. All the pictures, the funny stories...? Surely I wrote it. Ummm, I guess not. Crazy seeing as how it's my favorite holiday, and we had such a rockin' time. I think what happened is I was revelling in the pre-election fervor of my man Obama, and I composed a ghost blog. One of those you write in your head late at night, laying in bed getting the babes (children, not hot chicks) to sleep. I can't begin to recreate but I need to immortalize the pictures. Suffice it to say, great night, great galloping gallons of candy, and a great gathering of people....As Grady loves to say, of late, (I'm sure, courtesy of Sponge Bob), "Good times, good times."

A successful season...

2008-11-11T15:51:00.000-08:00

Saturday's soccer game brought our soccer season to a close, until Spring ball begins at least. Our game against a friend's team was action-packed. I think technically we lost but the kids' weren't overly concerned with those details. Mid-game Grady asked permission from his coach to go see a friend (Zephyr) who came to watch the game. And then Jonah (the friend from the other team) had to be heavily sought out by his own coach from the spot where he crouched with Grady and Zephyr, showing off a special drawing he had brought just to show Zeph. As far as I'm concerned, it was childhood sporting fun at its best.

Wandering in my "backyard" wild...

2008-11-07T12:31:00.000-08:00

This has always been my favorite time of year, especially since we moved to the city where we currently live. Smack in the desert, we're prone to non-seasons or what I sometimes call the mono-season. Essentially, we get lots of dry heat, sometimes lots of dry wind and a very mild winter, comparitively speaking. This leaves only Fall as an out-of-the-ordinary time of year, at least in my mind. The mild days, cooler nights, absence of wind (that we get in Spring), it all combines to be really fabulous. A day spent in our garden yesterday cinched all of these ideas for me as Grady, Ainslie and I gathered in another couple of bountiful buckets, straight from our veggie plot. I've always had a lawn and flower beds but having the veggie garden this year, along with the chickens and all the other critters we share our land and home with, just gives me that much greater appreciation for Mother Nature, all of her cycles and all of her bounty.

First, having seen that we were finally forecasted to have a freeze last night, the kids and I set out to pick green tomatoes. I'd put heads together with a couple more experienced gardeners/farmers and had some ideas for preserving and allowing those tomatoes to ripen. The kids were blown away that I was actually asking them to pick green fruit (all summer it had been a big no-no). We came away with a small basketful and another larger basketful. Thinking of the endless quantity of tomatoes we'd already received from our 5 plans, I was very proud of the additional quantity we came up, especially being that it's he first week of November.

The kids and I were revelling in the change in the air, the slight bite of the cold, and I really was appreciating the difference in the light. I started looking about the yard, with an eye to photos, thinking what I could capture to contrast with how our garden patch and plants had looked early on this year. My sunflowers drew me, as they always do, despite the fact that they are now dry and rigid, crumbly and partially eaten (enjoyed, I should say, by our bird friends). Earlier in the summer, they had been blazing yellow and red and brown, limber, bending toward their own Sun God and swaying in the air.

I've yet to photograph and blog about it but this summer, I got a tattoo honoring my children. It's three bold, beautiful sunflowers, stems tied in a Celtic knot, and a blazing blue sky behind it. I love that the flowers in my garden remind me of it and confirm everyday that it was the perfect imagine to ink upon my skin.

I turned to another patch of the yard, and my thoughts shifted a bit. I think it was at least a year and a half ago when I was bemoaning my extra-vigorous weeds that my wonderful friend Tawnya told me she doesn't really mind weeds, that she admires their persistence and strength and ability to grow where sown. She pointed out the varying beauties of several, just in my front yard. Now, I have one patch of the front yard (which is pretty traditionally land-scaped with rock and plants, thankfully desert hardy) that is left to the weeds. I call it our wildlife habitat area. It harbored many a frog this summer and fall, plenty of grasshoppers and, I'm sure, myriad other bugs that I didn't even take the time to notice. It's now producing seeds that I notice the little finches clinging to, sideways and upside down, eating. Anyway, I have a similar patch in the backyard that I decided to let "have its way" to see if I could come to find the beauty that Tawnya had opened my eyes to. Sure enough, one plant that Lenny tried so many times to cut down turned out to be a wild Aster and bear beautiful purple flowers. Another has lovely little daisies, even now in November. In my herb studies, I've come to have another appreciation for these "weeds" and the medicine that they potentially can offer me.

Having admired the bright blue sky that is one of our trademarks here, my eye was turned immediately to one of the more vivid color displays in the yard. My pyracanthea, a red-berried form, is burgeoning with berries. Having had the chickens mostly penned for the summer, it's bounced back quite a bit from last winter when they'd foraged steadily from it. Although a younger, and less aware, me chose this plant years ago when we lived at another house (we transplanted it), I still enjoy it so much, now because I see songbirds and small animals feed steadily from it all year. It gives to us, in visual pleasure and to the wild, in food.

At this point, I was having so much fun with my camera (just a point-and-shoot) that I decided to check out the front yard. I'm glad I did because I totally had forgotten to blog about our pumpkins since we'd harvested. Our impromptu, volunteer pumpkin plants, spawned from Halloween pumpkins left to rot last year, bore almost 50 pumpkins of small to medium size. We happily gave every family who visited, from about mid-September through October, pumpkins to bear home, and we still ended up having this left.

Too small to carve and not the type ideal for cooking with, we're going to have these small pumpkins with us for quite awhile. As they get soft, some will become bird food, some chicken feed and, most definitely, we'll be saving seeds for next year. Growing pumpkins is fun!

As I was snapping the pumpkin shot, I noticed the plethora of butterflies on my zinnias. These hardy flowers travelled to my front garden bed from my friend Sandra's house in the early summer. She had too many and encouraged me one day to pull up some and see if they'd make it. Given the heat we experience in summer, I didn't think they would but they proved me wrong. Now a good four feet tall, they are a butterfly's heaven. I counted upwards of 10 butterflies (I think. I mean, they do flutter a lot) as I stood there. I tried to capture their image and had only passing luck. Still, just the color is so pleasing to the eye.

It was a good day. It felt good to be thinkful (I wrote "thinkful" and I'm leaving it because I think it speaks for being mindful about what we should appreciate) for what we are surrounded by, and proud of the work that we've put into helping it thrive...

Political sign mayhem

2008-11-03T07:31:00.001-08:00

This Fall, I bought two Obama/Biden signs and picked up two different sets of signs for local Senate races. And, this Fall, my signs have been stolen twice. If you look around my neighborhood, a slew of McCain/Palen signs are to be seen, as well as those of other Republican politicians. I think I've seen only two other Obama signs. And, as far as I can tell, not a single Republican sign has disappeared from a yard as mine have.

After this weekend's theft, I devised my own signs. They are actually quite scaled down from what I really wanted to say...

The rugrats...as of a few days ago

2008-10-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Do you like freebies?

2008-10-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

I do! Click the link if you're the mother of a young girl or know one who would like to be delighted.

http://grosgrainfabulous.blogspot.com/2008/10/grosgrain-mini-store-opening-and.html

I voted!

2008-10-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Early voting rocks. Sweet, simple...AND fast! Obama is officially one vote closer to winning! :)

Where I'm at now (in life I mean)

2008-10-26T17:38:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered the frivolous pleasures of My Space and Facebook. Originally, Lenny dragged me on My Space so I could become one of his "Mafia" on a virtual game to which I am now, alas, hooked myself. I ventured over to Facebook at the admonishment of a friend and after realizing that people, that I hadn't seen or thought of in years, could be tracked down easily on these sites.

It's fun to see people from "way back when" and realize that, just like me, they've somehow morphed into adults with families and new ways of life and interests and all that good stuff. There really is life after 'Zo. Who knew? ;)

So, in response to tracking people down and checking them out, I've had a few emails of "what are you up to?" and "tell me about your family." But, I have to admit, when it comes to expressing myself, I'm staying true to my nerd-self (that does still hearken back to high school days) and would rather express myself essay-style on my blog rather than pop-style on MySpace or, even more briefly, in photos on Facebook. So, I thought I'd do a "catch-up" post on myself and then direct folks over here to bloggy-me. If you're a here and present friend, forgive the digest a la Renee. ;) Watch out, you might learn something freaky.

Sooo...I got married to Lenny the month after h.s. graduation. We moved to Cruces for college, and here we still are. Lenny did a year of automotive tech and got far enough for his certification and then just started working full-time. He's had a variety of jobs over the years including working for the City pools, working as a Title Searcher for a title company, managing a gas station and, for the past eight years, driving a tow truck. Alas (for me ;) ), he seems to have found his calling because he likes being called out at all hours, not having to sit at a desk or be inside, working with his hands, meeting lots of people, and interacting with police and other emergency staff (fire department, Border Patrol, DEA, etc.).

I came to school on a scholarship and finished that degree in five years (working throughout) with a BA in Journalism. Of course, by the time I had that, I'd changed my mind and came back for a second BA in English (32 credit hours in one year, nothing but English courses. I haven't changed that much, have I?). I was intending to take that ENGL BA and enter Graduate School the following semester (Fall, 2000) when I found myself pregnant with our first child. I initially thought I could wear all hats and do it all. I successfully finished the second degree but when Fionna was born at the end of July, I realized that full-time grad school, teaching as a T.A., and being a full-time mommy would never work with the combination of Lenny's 24/7 on-call, can-never-commit-to-watching-baby job. So, I dropped out of school but kept working and took Baby Fionna to work with me. I managed this until December 2001 when she was almost 18 months. By that time, she was well on her way to destroying my office as a busy and inquisitive toddler, and my work wasn't getting done. It was time for one to go, either work or bring-baby-to-work. I chose to quit work, enter the world of being a poor, single-income family and be a full-time mommy for awhile.

That has been my slice of life for the past almost seven years. In those years, we've added two children, Grady in July, 2003, and our second daughter, Ainslie, in July, 2006. (Please, don't ask why we're weird and have had three babies born in July). I guess I get my groove on in October. ;)

I'll be the first and say, I've come a very long way from my high school, raised in the sticks, small-town self. I've learned a lot about valuing different life experiences and ways of doing things. I'm a strong Feminist, Liberal woman (thus the capitals), and I've become passionate about the way I parent and about causes which I think will affect my kiddos in the world we will someday pass on (politics, human rights, environmentalism, sustainable living, gay/lesbian rights). Gone are the days of thinking of nothing but the opposite sex, makeup, hairspray and rockies jeans. I'd probably best describe msyelf as a neo-hippie meaning I'm very anti-establishment, heavily focused on the natural and easy-going on rules. In the superficial realm, I only recently cut my dreadlocks (now sporting a very short, do-nothing hairdo), I seldom come near much in the way of make-up, and I mostly shop at thrift stores. I'm all about a minimalist life-style in a lot of ways, low on the fuss, heavy on just enjoying life in the moment and trying to model a way of life for my kids that is real, in the present, fair and mindful and fun. I'm a work in progress but I'm enjoying the actual process very much. :)

I'm also on the verge of some pretty big changes. I love being home with my kids but life as a single-income, working class family means we are pretty damned poor these days. Which is alright but you can only stretch so far...So, I'm planning on returning to Graduate School in January, getting my MA in EDUC and entering a teaching career within 2-3 years. Fionna is in second grade, Grady will start Kindergarten next Fall, and Ainslie will hopefully not be terribly impacted by my return to school. Ideally, I'll take night classes but I have generous offers from friends in the event that I need some childcare. My goal there is to minimize the impact on my kids but also to recapture some focus on myself and move us all towards a life that isn't quite so paycheck-to-paycheck (without caving the The System, of course). ;)

In terms of interests, I've found myself really drawn to Herbalism. I've studied with a couple of people, as well having done some online courses. I try to make as much of my family's medicine as I can and take care of things around the house in a natural, low-key way. I also have found a calling to offer mother-to-mother support on the subject of breastfeeding, and I'm now a trained and accredited La Leche League Leader. It's a volunteer position I've held for almost three years that I find very validating.

I guess that's all I can think of to babble on and on about in regards to myself. Again, I'm really enjoying the chance to "glimpse" old friends and hear their successes and adventures. :)

An exchange at the bus stop...

2008-10-08T08:13:00.001-07:00

Grady, Ainslie and I took advantage of a beautiful Fall day a few weeks ago and bussed to the park for playgroup. Well, actually, that's not 100% accurate. We tried to bus to the park, missed the bus and had to get a ride from daddy to the park. (Sadly, this scenario has played out before). The good news is that Lenny's work is just diagonally across the corner from the bus stop, so it wasn't a big deal to walk over to him and bum a ride in the tow truck. Happily, we were successful in catching the bus for the homeward-bound trip. As we sat waiting for our bus to pull into the transfer station, a man approached us.

--He said, "Hey, do you smell that?"

--I have a bit of a sensitivity about my less-than-keen sense of smell so I fudged and said, "Umm, yeah."

--He then took it one further and said, "What do you smell like?"

--This turns my thinking completely around and I'm still mentally puzzling over whether I've been insulted or what when he says now, "Patchouli, that's it. Is it you?"

--I was relieved at that point and said, "Yeah, that' s me." I was not, however, expecting the next question.

--"So, are you married?" he asks.

--"Yep," I reply. "Three kids too."

--"Oh well" is his answer and he wandered off.

I love taking the bus. I mean, my kids get to experience mildly strange people (of which I know I qualify) and people from all walks of life. I hope, now that autumn and milder weather have arrived, we'll bus more often. The kids are certainly clamoring for another adventure. :)

My new blog banner

2008-10-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd explain...the political season has me firmly riveted to public events and the election process. As such, I was proud to have a few political signs in my front yard (Obama and two local politicians). We came home from a weekend away last week to discover my Obama sign and one of the others had been stolen. Our town saw a big spate of sign thefts but I was so angry to be one of the victims. I've since replaced my sign but my political vigor is stronger than ever. :)

A medley...

2008-10-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

Fionna read Grady right to sleep Saturday night. They were very happy to finally have cool enough weather to require snuggly jammies...

Ainslie's playing with her butterfly toy from the fair. Chris K. gifted the kids each with $5 for fair spending, and this was Ainslie's pick. (Grady came home with a light sabre and Fionna got a child sized fake nail kit.)

This time of year brings out the witch in my children. This is Fionna and Grady (and his black cat on his shoulder, hard to see) brewing up potions consisting of dish soap, water, rosemary and mint (the two herbs plentiful enough in my garden for the kids to play with).

First off, the weekend in soccer...I am happy to report that Grady's weekend soccer game, so bright and early on Saturday morning, was a blazing success. After three tough losses (as in, we were trounced three times), we finally either won or very nearly tied. The score is not really closely followed but Grady feels confident we won, and most of the kids on the team scored at least one goal, if not more. Grady exuberantly scored twice.
____________________

Next up...the fair came to town, and we made the most of it. On Thursday, Grady, Ainslie and I headed out there with our friends Sandra, Ben and Abe. We saw performing bears, a magic show, all manner of animals and farm equipment, and lots of neat school art. Fionna's school won Grand Champion for their art display!

Fionna visited the fair the next day with her class. She loves field trips because she gets to ride the bus, something she doesn't do often since we drive her to an out-of-district school.

The whole family was back at the fair, AGAIN, later Friday night to watch Lenny race in his first-ever car race. It was an "Enduro" race, 200 laps or two hours, whichever came first. Lenny drove the first half and his friend Brian the second. They didn't win but they didn't crash or explode. AND, out of seventy-some-odd cars that started, only 13 finished and they were among them. I wasn't too keen on the idea (not that I was really consulted) but it ultimately was pretty fun. The kids were over the moon about it, although Grady and Ainslie succumbed to sleep before the end. I have a feeling it won't be the only car race we get dragged to...

RIP Whitey, a very special chicken friend

2008-10-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

We came home yesterday to a truly heartwrenching sight, our very special chicken, Whitey, dead and being torn asunder by our dog. We'll never know what happen, whether she died naturally and was then eaten, or if Munch killed her. It saddens me, beyond just her loss, because I loved that our dogs and chickens hung out in the yard together, and it made it so easy to let the chickens range about. We can't take that chance anymore, they'll have to have their free time when the dogs are inside.

Whitey came to us as an adult hen, already laying her splendid pale green eggs. She was the sweetest of souls and would always hunker down and let you scoop her up as soon as you approached. She was the amazing hen that we took to the Farmer's Market last spring where she placidly sat and accepted pettings and popcorn offerings and also sat to have her portrait sketched in Fionna's lap. I will never ever forget the sight of the drowsy hen, nestled into Fionna's arms, even drooling a bit in her slumber.

The kids are all sad but Fionna is particularly devastated. She said it eloquently when she wailed that "Whitey was my good, good friend."

This has prompted us to order some new chicks, via mail. We want to up our egg production just a little, and Fionna is just a bit consoled that she can raise a chick to be another special friend. If you're local to me and interested in ordering chicks, we are ordering from http://mypetchicken.com/. If you can let me know quickly, in a day or two, we could share an order (we've already placed our's but they've let us know that it will be several days before they can give us a timeline on the types of chicks we chose). That is another post and, in deference to Whitey, we'll save it for another day.

Thank you, Whitey, for being part of our family, for your tasty, beautiful eggs and for being Fionna's good, good friend. :(

In my element...

2008-09-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

One of the definite highs of my summer was getting to go camping. I hadn't been in like nine years, and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was in the mountains, feeling that surrounded by Mother Goddess feeling, smelling the oh-so-sweet air and oohing and aahing over plants I recognized from my herbal guides. And, I must not forget the joy I felt in hearing the raptured cries of my city-bred children as they discovered both the mundane (high mountain roads are both scary and fun) and the magical (moss surely must serve as faery carpet for the fey). I digress; as usual when I'm wound up about something I start in the middle of the story and have to rein myself in to return to the start.

At the end of July, after much anticipation and, honestly, not too much planning (I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants girl), we embarked on a weekend camping trip. Our group consisted of my entire family (meaning, yes, Lenny actually was able to join in on a family event) and our good friends, Kristy, Jeramiah, Sarah and Em. We headed a couple of hours west and climbed several thousand feet in elevation as we drove. Our destination was a campground that our friends knew about which featured all the perks I love -- a deep canyon, running water, lots of new and wonderful vegatation, and rustic yet clean nearby bathrooms...

I would like to say we spent a fabulous two and half days there as planned but Mother Nature interceded in a big way. Lovely Hurricane Dolly made sure we felt her power, even way out here. A deluge of rain began, just shortly after we'd set up camp. In rapid succession, we discovered that our tent leaked, that we lacked tarps, and that five kids and four adults in one big and yet leaky tent isn't necessarily a barrel of fun. We persevered, despite our air mattresses going mercilessly flat during the night (picture, instant sharp rocks in the back AND sudden immersion in cold rain water that's accummulated in leaky tent).

However, despite ALL of this, we were for the most part chipper, light-hearted and just thrilled to be there the next morning, even with a grey dawn and continuing rain. Our campfire popped and spit merrily in the rain, sheltered somewhat beneath one of the tables we'd brought. We ate our breakfast and went adventuring. A night full of rain didn't deter the kids (and me) from venturing quickly in the creek and climbing here, there and everywhere.

We did break camp later that morning, knowing there was much more rain in our future AND that we had absolutely no dry bedding or clothing. We visited with some friends and family (Kristy's, not mine ;) ), and then headed for home late that afternoon. While a shorter trip than we'd imagined, it was definitely fun. And confirmed for me, that I need to get back to nature more often.

I don't know what it is, the quiet, the expanses of trees and land and space, the variety and wealth of plants and nature, the ancient quality I always appreciate when amidst trees, maybe all of these things but I always feel so alive and vital when I'm in the mountains. It's something I want to do more for myself, and definitely an experience to give to my children.

Playing Catch-up...The July Bday Season

2008-09-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when a mom goes on blogging hiatus. There's a lot of memorable moments to catch up on. Thus, I take you on a time journey back to July which, with three birthdays in a row, is B****** Birthday Season. I took it easy on myself and baked one cake on the first birthday (Ainslie's, the 21st). But, we couldn't do it too simple, so we still had to sing and blow-out candles three times, always with the honoree in the middle (apparently an important factor to my children).

We honor Fionna's 8th birthday!

Ainslie turns two!

Grady in the seat of honor, turning 5!

Free-rangin' once again!

2008-09-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

The chickens are unpenned once more. For the summer, they suffered being penned for the sake of our veggie garden. But our garden is winding down (only onions, watermelons, mystery melons and tomatoes remain), and the chickens have their liberty again. It's great to once again look out and watch all their eccentricities. :)

After a long absence...

2008-09-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

It appears that there's nothing like a proud mama moment (and photo opp) to bring me back to the blog-sphere. Why have I been gone? I don't know, at least, not in a way that I can sum up briefly. We had an event-filled summer and rolled with the punches pretty good but, looking back, I see that I didn't have a lot of mental energy to devote to the extras, like my blog.

And so, the proud mama moment? Grady is playing on a soccer team and having great fun. It appears that he's a little natural, at least just in the sense that he truly enjoys the competitive nature and gets the basic tenets of the game. (All it takes is for the other team to get the ball and he turns around and tears back to the goal. Gotta play defense!)

Enough said, let the pictures roll... :)

Grady's number is #1 (he got to pick), and his team is the Nighthawks. He scored one goal last week and three goals this week. It's been a lot of fun for our family. You may wonder about Fionna...She chose not to play soccer this year. I thought actually being at the game might make her yearn for it a bit but it hasn't at all. She enjoys doing flips and cartwheels with friends on the side and being Ainslie's preferred go-to person. So, it has worked out well. :)

It Rained!

2008-07-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I get that for so many of you that's a hum-drum, perhaps even undesirable thing. But hey, we live in the desert, and rain is nectar from the Otherworld. Just ask these little green guys...

The toads we've had in our yard were Woodhouse's Toads but these are different critters. They are Spadefoot Toads, and even the kids can see the difference. They're a much brighter green, less "warty" looking and have distinctive toes (for digging).

It's been storming for a couple of days now but this morning, it had finally settled into a slow, steady and soaking rain. The kids and I were of like mind -- why stay in the house when we could be in the rain? So, we got dressed and set out. Not far into our walk, a little toad passed us on the road, hopping in the other direction. Again, I think we all were struck by the same idea at about the same time. We had to take him home with us. :) So I scooped him up and with toad cupped in one hand and Ainslie on my hip, we hurried back home. Sadly, on the way back, we saw things we hadn't noticed at the onset, poor smashed toad bodies in the street. The kids quickly decided that our walk in the rain was after all, a toad rescue mission. At home, we deposited the little guy in the backyard, dubbing him Spadey, and set back out, this time with a small bucket and piece of cardboard as a lid - we were on a toad hunt. We knew they were all around us. The raucous sound of toad love rang out, echoing between the houses in our neighborhood. But for awhile, all we saw were road-kill toads. When next we spotted one, his body hung immobile in a deep puddle, only his eyes above the water. The kids waded in gleefully but he eluded them. We'd spot him then he'd disappear. Eventually the muddy water clouded up too much, and even my die-hard toad-hunting kids decided to look for another. Ultimately, we caught three, of varying size, but all Spadefoots. By this time, we'd walked almost all the way to Daddy's new work, conveniently close to our house. We trooped into his office, dripping mightily after almost an hour in the rain, our bucket o'toads periodically leaping and the kids all talking at once, clamoring to tell their tale. Lenny helped us devise a sturdier bucket lid (our cardboard was very soggy by this point) and gave us a quick ride home. We were drenched through.

We released our toads in the backyard. They were calm and just sat, throats swelling rhythmically when we dumped them out. Furthermore, two of them were in a pretty provocative pose (I'm thinking polliwogs and maybe toad babies is in the future). It was a very fun morning. :)

"Creature" Encounters

2008-07-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

Bats in my living room -- if I'd titled my blog with that statement, I'm sure you'd be expecting more drama. But, as it happens, these bats were fairly placid (except when consuming too much sugary treats). They descended upon my house after watching an episode of "The Magic School Bus" that prompted them to emit long, ear-splitting screeches and try to hang upside down everywhere and anywhere. Who knew multiple Batman costumes would be so invaluable, other than for the nightly crimefighting?

Fionna Bat

Grady Bat (If you're looking for Ainslie Bat, she was more than happy to confine herself to the shrieking portion of the act.)

On the topic of strange flying creatures, this was another encounter we count ourselves fortunate to have had. One evening at Community Dinner, we found ourselves picnicking next to this unlikely couple. They hung out in the park for at least a couple of days (we saw them there the next evening as well). Someone said they looked like Green Herons, perhaps. Either way, it was a special treat to be so near them. The same night we saw them, I also had the amazing pleasure of having a small owl first land on a tree branch right over me and then, shortly thereafter, flutter to the ground just 10 or 15 feet from me. I felt really lucky that night. :)

I'm sure it's by now evident, we're an animal loving family, and it's been a distinct pleasure of this summer to have so many creature encounters. Something we're loving is that our yard is once again inhabited by frogs (Woodhouse's Toads, to be specific). A few years ago, we seemed to have dozens of them but we hadn't seen any for the past couple of summers. Happily, they are back. Whether we have many or one, we're not precisely certain. To the kids, they are all "Mr. Toad." Mr. Toad likes to hang out under our house and emerge in the evening and early morn. The dogs' water bowl makes a fine swimmin' hole and he (she/they?) is/are definitely finding enough to eat.

Can't seem to get bloggy with it.

2008-07-07T16:05:00.000-07:00

Alas, this looks like it will be another photo entry. My children don't seem crazy about the idea of letting me write today...

Family bed, a la Casa de Renee. (If you're wondering, Lenny didn't even try to fit into this, he slept in the kids' bunkbed that's in our room.)

Fionna and Ainslie as "pretty, pretty princesses." The dress that Ainslie is wearing was mine as a kid, except that we're missing the underdress. Fionna added panties to the outfit since "the dress was see-through."

Grady, with his latest love, firecrackers (these are the little poppers that you throw on ground). The ferocious experession is because I told him to smile more than once, and he wanted me to know he WAS smiling (until he got ferocious).

The kids made a Father's Day "statue" for Lenny. It was often higher but this is the best shot we got. (I say "often" because Ainslie was certain it was built specifically to be demolished, and Fionna rebuilt, a lot...)

More summer fun...shucking corn & "dog days"

2008-06-10T15:37:00.000-07:00

The "chaste" tree in our front yard is looking lovely, and the kids were relatively clean and well dressed, so I thought I'd capitalize on the moment and snap a nice shot. They marred it a bit by insisting on garden gloves (why, I do not know) but they're sweet nonetheless.

I know, the dog days of summer are nowhere near here but that's all that goes through my head when I see this shot. The kids insisted I lift Lily into the hammock. We were all mightily surprised when 13 y.o. Munch managed the leap up there on his own.

Ainslie helped shuck corn for the first time. She loved it, of course, although I'm not sure if she was as happy as the chickens who were on the receiving end of the husks. :)

We're revelling in summer...

2008-06-06T07:39:00.000-07:00

Our summer so far has felt sublime. Lots of unscheduled fun, downtime, being outdoors. It reminds me of what summer felt like as a kid. I have a good deal more to write but not time for it at the moment. I'll share these pictures for the time being...

There is a similar picture of me as a child, covered in chocolate, so I couldn't resist snapping this "messy" shot.

ln cleaning out the closet in what will some day be Ainslie's room, we unearthed some of Lenny's old hunting gear. Grady was enthralled.

My little redneck, shirtless and all...

We also "discovered" this inflatable "boat." Ainslie has been getting lots of rides in it.

Unfortunately the better shot of this picture didn't come out. The point of it is that Ainslie is dressed in my old sunbonnet and two pieces of doll clothes from my childhood. They actually fit her rather well. The bottoms which you can't see are Cabbage Patch bloomers and the top is an old faded pink cotton dress.

The kids are clamoring for a fire every night, the better for roasting marshmallows. Here they are hamming it up for the camera.

Ainslie has discovered that she loves to indulge in foot baths, oh at least 5-6 times a day. It's even better when you can brush your teeth with two tooth brushes, at least one of which isn't her's.

And who could resist some brotherly love? :)

I haven't blogged about the garden?!?!

2008-05-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

It was only as I mentioned the garden in passing in the previous entry that I realized I haven't officially blogged about our garden. In my blogging "absence," I composed so many mental blog entries that I've sorta lost track of which ones actually made it to the keyboard and out to cyber reality...

So, the garden...We planted in early April, and so far, so good. Currently, we are growing:

--french radishes (already eating those, yummy!)

--carrots

--melon (don't know what kind, it was a shared seed from a friend)

--two kinds of squash (again, don't know what kinds)

--corn

--several different kinds of tomatoes (started by a friend from seed, he gave me the plants when they were pretty small)

--bell peppers

--pumpkin

--yellow onions

--green onions

Also, sunflowers, morning glories, hollyhocks, chocolate flower, indian peace pipe, shasta daisies and marigolds have all been started from seeds. :) Everything is coming up and doing okay so far. I state it like that because sometimes, our summer heat comes on so suddenly, my seed starts have just shrivelled in the past.

In terms of our existing "food" plants, our peach tree has lots of fruit, and our apple tree is actually alive (which I didn't expect it to be). Our strawberry plants (which are practically evergreen here) are producing slowly but steadily (think about 5 berries a week). I had currant berries off the currant bush I transplanted from my grandma's house last fall. I didn't do anything with those (just let the birds have them). The same will go for the heavy load of crab apples coming along from that tree (also a transplant from my grandma's house).

I was worried that keeping up with the weeds would be miserable work. So far though, it hasn't been too daunting. And, I have the extra incentive of wanting to give the chickens fresh vegetation, so I almost welcome the weed pulling knowing that the chickens really love their greens. They are officially penned up for the summer (so as to spare the garden), and I do feel a bit guilty that they aren't allowed their free-ranging pleasure currently. It's my plan though to let them roam again, come late fall. Until then, I'm trying to be very mindful about supplementing their diet with weeds, bugs we gather, as well as our kitchen scraps which they make mighty fast work of.

When I rushed out a moment ago, to photograph the garden, the kids, of course, wanted to know what I was doing. When I told them, they said "well, you have to show everyone our pool." So, they very obligingly dove in. ;) (Ainslie is currently napping, or I'm sure she would have been quickly wet as well.)

Making oil blends...and a few pics

2008-05-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

I just spent a fun half hour or so this afternoon indulging one of my favorite pasttimes -- mixing essential oil blends. I love the fragrance, the power of making something to meet my needs (rather than purchasing something), and just the lovely "witchy" creativity of it (I say witchy because it meets my mental image of an old time "herb witch" crafting her goods). The blends I made today are 100% courtesy of dear Sandra and her power to research and resolve problems. Both of our families suffered mightily at the hands of mosquitoes last summer. And lately, she's heard an earful about my problems with ticks and my dogs. So, before I know it, I get an email from Sandra with recipes to solve both these issues. We combined an oil order to supply the oils we were both missing from our own supplies (I needed lemon eucalyptus, catnip and cedarwood essential oils and fractionated coconut oil). The result -- a homemade mosquito repellant that is oh-so-natural AND great smelling and an equally good smelling tick repellant for my dogs. Absolutely nothing synthetic or harmful in either one of that -- this makes me a happy woman! :)

So, I also said I'd post a few pics. First, you'll see our lovely garden as it's looking currently. Everything is growing so well, and the energy out there is peace at its best. A few months ago, I as lucky enough to "win" a hammock stand on FreeCycle. We weren't able to get the hammock for it until recently but now it's all set up and it's definitely my new favorite spot. AND, for once, it coincides with where the kids want to be. They are loving the yard right now too (it doesn't hurt that we got a new kiddie pool).

Next, I bring you Ainslie a la her brother's Ninja Turtle costume. I think it's actually the costume's photo debut as I bought it for Grady last Halloween but at the last moment, he couldn't bear to not be Batman.

Catching up...what went down at C.L.U.C.K.

2008-05-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

I do this periodically, lose the time to blog and then it begins to snowball. Soon, it feels like too much has passed and how can I possibly relate it all? Then I begin procrastinating, even when I do have the time to blog.

As before, I guess I just have to dive back in. I know there's no chance I'll be able to write about, or even remember, what has come and gone in my month-plus of silence, but what can you do. Time doesn't stop, even for busy blogging mamas...

I last wrote about C.L.U.C.K. at the Farmer's Market, and it truly was both a successful and very fun day. We garnered many signatures and support and met lots of very fun folks. Fionna was in heaven as we decided to take Whitey, our friendliest hen, along, and they were showered with lots of positive attention. Fionna is very much in her element when she's at the center of lots of positive attention. Whitey, the valiant chicken that she is, was taken in and out of her crate, petted by a myriad of admirers and fed copious amounts of kettle corn (that lucky hen!). An extremely kindly woman even approached me and said that she would very much like her own daughter to have a chance to sketch Fionna (she was doing sketches for a fee that morning at the Market), and if I was agreeable, she'd give me the money to have Fionna's sketch done with Whitey. Of course, I was agreeable :), so Fionna sat to have her sketch done. She was so proud, and Whitey was so funny. She dozed in Fionna's arms, in the sun, even drooling at one point. Chickens drool; who knew?

My camera battery went dead, just when I needed it. But Nora came to my rescue and captured these images. I also will include a photo of the sketch.

What the C.L.U.C.K.?

2008-04-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

(*hehehe* I've been dying to say that...) Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, what am I talking about, you ask? Well, C.L.U.C.K. is the brain-child of my chicken-loving (and acronym-excelling) friend Nora. It stands for "Citizens Legalizing Urban Chicken Keeping," and it is a group borne of the fact that our city statutes do not currently allow chickens to legally be kept within city limits. However, the other two largest cities of our state do, as well as many other progressive cities around the country. Armed with that information, Nora set about studying existing city codes and legislation and has developed a sample piece of legislation to put before our city council. Tomorrow is one of the first C.L.U.C.K. events. We'll be at the Farmer's Market and will be available to discuss urban chicken-keeping and the proposed legislation for our city as well as to offer the opportunity to sign a petition in support of C.L.U.C.K.'s endeavors. Please, stop by and see us. We'll be outside the entrance to "the" book store...

Crunchy chicken

2008-04-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

Everyone may have noticed (hopefully) a couple of new graphics here. They are both courtesy of a very dynamic blog I've just started reading, Crunchy Chicken. My good buddy Nora introduced me to it, and it seems right up my alley. :)

I'm going to attempt the "Buy Nothing" challenge which shouldn't be too hard since money seems darned tight lately. The only planned non-food expenditures this month are to get seeds/plants in the veggie garden, and it looks like that is allowed.

You should join in too. She's got quite a list of participants already. Imagine the impact we can all make, working (and NOT buying) together...

Cheeky buggers...

2008-04-01T17:21:00.001-07:00

I have to admit, phrases like "cheeky buggers" just mushroom in my head everytime I contemplate writing this particular blog entry. It's been cookin' in my cranium for awhile now and cheeky, bold, impertinent -- they're all adjectives that seem perfect to describe these city chickens.

I started an entry called "chicken antics" a couple of months ago and never got to complete it. Frankly, I think that title is a bit bland to describe the rascals. As these photos have probably alerted you to, these chickens think they own the "farm," including our casa. These shots were taken a couple of months apart (the first in February, the second today). Both times, we have evidence of Whitey (so very originally named by Fionna) strolling right into the house and making herself at home. (And I might as well admit, yes, that's a ketchup bottle in the top shot, in the bathroom no less. It was taken during Ainslie's "carry the ketchup everywhere I go" phase. I think I've already mentioned she's a bit eccentric).

Sooooo -- my sassy poultry...Today's picture resulted when Grady came in from playing out in the yard. He comes into one of the back rooms where I'm sorting clothing into seasonally appropriate piles. I follow him back out to help him with something and we're both stopped dead in our tracks at the sight of Whitey, happily dining out of the dog food bowl, IN our laundry room. She apparently had followed him when he first came in, and he didn't notice (or so he says, hmmm?).

But, entering the "farmers' abode" isn't a solitary transgression. It's been several weeks ago now that Ainslie lost an entire slice of pizza to "Feather Ears" (I named that one; much more creative, don't you agree?). Ainslie won't venture into the yard unless they're penned now.

Around that same time, another hen (I think it was Alpha Hen, again named by your's truly) not only poked a hole in the window screen but then quickly poked through to pull Fionna's hair. I wasn't happy about the hole in the screen but Fionna's terrified screech was worth it. She had no clue the chicken was outside the window, and it was a pricelessly funny moment. This particular kitchen window is one of their favorite spots. They watch us all day, sometimes jumping down from the stump outside this window to pace to another window to watch me as I move through the house.

Here's a tale that speaks both to the audacity of my hens and the foolishness of our city bred cats. Ginny, our immensely fat, orange cat is mostly very content to lounge the days away inside the house (she's a strictly indoor cat) but occasionally she'll push the screen door open when it's been improperly latched. She rarely ventures more than a few feet out and then she just sprawls and rolls in the dirt/grass (it was grass until the chickens came, now it's pretty much dirt). The other day, Ginny made her escape and rolled contentedly in the dust, completely oblivious to the chickens who had rushed her as they would anything that might be food (and to them -- everything is food!) and were clustered around her. I laughed mightily, at the city cat too foolish to pay heed to the chickens and the chickens too bold to be afraid of what they should be.

A Mother's Miscellany...or...What my kids get up to...

2008-03-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ainslie on Easter. Since we definitely don't do easter in a traditional sense, we didn't dress in a traditional easter get-up either. Note Ainslie's "already smarter than Bush" shirt. It's my new favorite thing to put her in (thanks, Nora!).

This picture just makes me happy. Fionna has developed a habit of "going over the wall" when we get home, instead of going in the front door. The other day, she didn't materialize promptly at the back door like usual. When I went in search of her, I found her and her new Junie B. Jones book (courtesy of the Easter Bunny). She said she was climbing over and then "forgot to climb anymore."

This shot is here because it speaks to several of Ainslie's oddities lately. She's become a very eclectic dresser. Note, she's wearing not one but two pairs of Grady's underwear (over a diaper, of course, that's Grady's one stipulation for lending of undies). Also, she's sporting a tattoo on her tummy. It's more typically a bellyful of stickers but always some sort of belly art. And, again, the importance of two -- she has two water bottles. She sleeps with these, one in the crook of each arm.

It was a lovely Spring day here yesterday. Ainslie was eschewing her nap (I'm trying to pretty up what I typically state as "skipping the blankety-blank nap"), so I pruned my rose bushes, and the kids caught some rays. Not to mention, Ainslie had her first ice cream bar. She ate every bite (and required a bath afterward).

Dish-washing gone wrong. One minute, she's sitting, completely clothed, and handing me dishes as calmly as can be. Turn my back, she's in the bloomin' sink! Note the highly self-satisfied smile and just a peek of Grady's incredulity in the bottom left corner.

Now that's a dye job...

2008-03-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

On being a tandem nursing mama...

2008-03-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

This one may take some of you aback. As best as my (often poor) memory recalls, I haven't spoken of this before here. Grady and Ainslie are three yars apart. During my pregnancy with Ainslie, Grady had some dental issues and had to have work done under anesthesia. It was a difficult experience for us, and I made the decision to go ahead and night-wean then because I wanted to minimize any other dental issues (I do NOT believe breastfeeding causes cavities but I didn't want to feed the already present cavity-causing bacteria by providing breastmilk as a food source). It wasn't too long after then that Grady simply began weaning himself, with his complete weaning coming in April of 2006. He was just a few months shy of three years old.

So, fast forward to, I think, September of 2007. Grady begins asking frequently to nurse. This wasn't entirely new as he had periodically asked since Ainslie had been born. I never said no, but he had previously been content to either pretend to nurse or to just put his mouth to the breast (without sucking) for the merest of seconds and then declare himself "done." When he began asking frequently to nurse, I responded as I had been, but he persisted in asking more and more often, and not being content with the few moments at the breast. In addition, he began speaking very negatively of my loving Ainslie more, him not being my baby anymore, how much he missed nursing, etc. All combined, I felt unable to deny him a genuine opportunity to breastfeed because his need seemed to be so intermixed with his feelings toward his sister, his perception of my love, everything! So, I said yes. I truly did not think he would remember how. To this point, it had seemed very much like he no longer new how to latch-on. BUT, I was wrong. He rediscovered the ability with a vengeance.

Thus began Grady asking to nurse every time he saw Ainslie at the breast. She was a fairly new walker and so was often more interested in exploring everything around rather than being in my arms. Grady, on the other hand, was rediscovering his love of nursing and revelling in it. I remember saying to friends, "Grady nursed today more than Ainslie did!"

My feelings were mixed. I had no problems with nursing a child of his age, just past his fourth birthday, but we still had definite difficulties. When she did want to nurse, Ainslie was positive she didn't want to share. Whereas many moms figure out tandem positioning with a newborn and older child, I was suddenly thrown into attempting to position very squirmy and territorial one- and four-year-olds. Ainslie routinely gouged Grady's eyes and tore at his hair. And yet, his determination to nurse continued.

I also found the sensation of nursing two, especially two with extremely strong sucks, to be sometimes overwhelming. There were many times when I know I had a look on my face that strongly said "I'm just trying to get through this moment."

On the other hand, I had some aspects easier than many tandem nursing mamas do. Grady had been night-weaned for 20 months (in fact, he'd been completely weaned for 18 months). So, I had none of the nighttime disruption that some moms experience when they're called upon to nurse two. And I didn't deal with the extreme oversupply that can sometimes happen when a newborn arrives to an already nursing mother.

This brings us up to now, March of 2008. Grady will be five in July, Ainslie will be two. There's a lot of variability but Grady still nurses one to two times a day. He usually asks more but I try to offer a substitution. And, there's still those days that, for whatever reason, he seems to need it a lot, and he nurses several times. He hasn't seem to be self-conscious of it, which doesn't surprise me given that our social circle is comprised of so many nursing pairs and trios. He nurses most anywhere, in front of most anyone.

I've told him that when he turns five, our nursing days will be over. He is not keen on this. He even says, -- "if I don't take any birthday presents, it's not a real birthday and I can keep nursing, right?" But, I think I'm ready to be done. I say that I "think" because I am bittersweet all over again about this parting. I'm pleased and as proud of anything that I've ever done that I was able to give him something that he still had a genuine need for. And there's not a doubt in my mind that there's no coincidence that over the course of this winter when we've been sick and sick and sick again, Grady has been the healthiest. I think he combined the power of a slightly older immune system (compared to Ainslie) with receiving the power of Super Mama Milk (that Fionna no longer has) and managed to stay well, for the most part.

We'll see how the next few months evolve. I remind him frequently that he'll be five in about four months. He always immediately answers "I don't want to wean." And I counter with, "when we wean, we'll snuggle, we'll tickle, we'll read, we'll have special time anyway you want." I hope this message settles in, and that Grady won't experience those feelings of being left-out and sadness that he so acutely felt before. It's something I'm working hard on.

As for being a breastfeeding mother, I don't think my career is anywhere near over. Ainslie is more than meeting the challenge of keeping me occupied on this front. And that's just fine with me...

A very blustery day...

2008-03-16T13:32:00.000-07:00

This is a phrase my kids grasped onto from early-on Winnie-the-Pooh stories. When the wind blows, they instantly bring out the "blustery" phrase and ponder if any of us are light enough to blow away like Piglet. I love how literal kids can be when they're so young. Anyway, my point is, it's very windy today, and has been for the most part for the past several days. That's spring where we live though. Despite the blowing dust, Lenny is being a trouper and is hard at work on my gardening project.

When I broached the idea of taking out the grass for the veggie/herb garden, I pitched it as a project that I *really* would treat as my own. In other words, it wouldn't be the typical project that I dream up and Lenny provides the labor for. Honestly, this has happened a lot in the past several years but it does have a certain amount to do with how bonded my kids are to me and the fact that for (geez, can it be) the last almost eight years, I've been breastfeeding somebody umpteen-times a day. So, this project is supposed to celebrate the fact that Ainslie, as our last, is almost two, and I'm anticipating a level of freedom that I haven't had. Of course, "anticipating" is the key word because it's not here yet but it's coming. I told Lenny that if he'd do the prep for the garden (which meant moving and recreating the chicken coop and then the heavy duty initial tilling of the ground), the kids and I would be responsible for the garden itself. I'm excited. I have often chafed at being inactive or unable to fully participate in my "projects." I think this garden is going to be perfect this summer. All of my children love the dirt, water and being outside. I can combine my "work" with lots of healthy summer play for them. I'm crossing my fingers that it works out that way, at least.

In other news, it's been a nice, fairly typical weekend. Fionna's soccer game was in the afternoon yesterday, so we were able to go to the Market, which is something I've greatly missed in the past several weeks. It was one of those great Market days that makes me thankful to have a place like the Farmer's Market. In COAS, the person helping us check-out couldn't read some of the prices, so she called another employee over. He told her to dispense with ringing us up because we were regular customers and we got five books for free. Granted, they were all used children's books but it was more about the kindness and recognition. Grady scored an "Ultimate Pokemon Handbook" that has him feeling very proud. I love COAS (a local used bookstore). Then, out on the Market, Fionna purchased a shell for her collection and the lady she bought it from gave each of the kids an additional shell. You just don't get that kind of friendly gesture at Wal-mart.

The soccer game was not our best. Fionna got hurt mildly and was intimidated to return to the game. But, she eventually calmed herself down and returned for a short bit. I think we lost, but the great thing about it is the kids don't know and there's really no emphasis on winning/losing. I absolutely love that.

To round out our weekend update, we had breakfast out this morning, followed by church, and a friend coming home with us to play. Happily, she and Fionna are including Grady, and Ainslie is napping, so I've had a nice hour or so of peace. :) We have soccer practice in just a little while (during which the friend will be picked up), and then it'll be the usual Sunday night get-ready-for-the-week routine.

A few years ago, I would have vehemently protested that I didn't "do" routines but now I appreciate the familiarity (and the fact that they help keep my kids "level"). Maybe I'm actually growing up (but probably not). ;)

Pistoleros pictures, at long last...

2008-03-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

I've written before about the amazing basketball program we've been a part of since last September. It's called The Pistoleros and it's a ball-handling skills group, coached by a very knowledgeable, effective and nice guy named Rus. I say "we've" been involved because Grady happily practiced (and was so nicely tolerated, given that he's a good deal younger) for several months. But, as performance time drew near, he quickly became reluctant to give any impression that he wanted to perform, so he's backed off. But, Fionna has attended weekly practices since September and has had several half-time performances at local university games as well as one high school game. Last night was the conclusion and a mighty fine one at that. The Pistoleros got to show their skills at the WAC tournament, first outdoors in a meet/greet/warm-up-the-crowd scenario and then at the half-time of the women's game (which we won by the way, woohoo). Fortunately for you, my readers (haha), my mom was in town with her much nicer digi camera, and these pics are courtesy of her. :)

Our day in pictures...

2008-03-08T16:10:00.000-08:00

All better! :)

2008-03-07T15:00:00.001-08:00

I'm a couple of days getting this posted here. I feel badly because people have been so lovely about sending us positive thoughts and support. Ainslie and Grady are all better, I am so very happy to say.

We continued Ainslie with the oxygen through late Tuesday afternoon. When we saw the doctor that day, her oxygen was at a glowing 98, and her lungs sounded clear as a bell. Just to be precautionary, although he hadn't been as sick, the doctor gave Grady a once over and pronounced us to be all clear.

It's been great to have a tube-free child and to see her quickly bloom back into her old animated self. Children have such an amazing power to bounce back. The two pounds that she lost early on last week were made up between Friday and Tuesday when we discovered Ainslie had gained 1.5 lbs. Most likely through the help of the eight avocados that she scarfed down over the weekend. :) And I certainly don't discount the power of my own breastmilk.

So, we're back in the world of the living, and life goes on. Actually, life sweeps right on, at the same river rapids pace that it set before. We've played at the park this week, had a play date, two La Leche League meetings, and have a soccer game awaiting us tomorrow.

The "farm" is doing well, dogs and cats their same old lazy (with the exception of Lily who is hyper-hyper-hyper) selves. The chickens are doing great, laying a little less but that may well be due to the fact that we recently moved their chicken coop. This was in preparation for the larger fenced area that we're planning so that we can keep them out of the planned vegetable and herb garden.

I can't remember if I wrote about that yet. We tilled almost half of our grass up (and hauled out the grass). This weekend we're amending the soil with some sand and, eventually, compost. We'll be planting pretty soon as temps here are warming quickly. The trees have that bright spring green sheen to them as leaves start to pop, and our peach tree is all abloom. I'm very excited to get the garden in! :)

Stealing a few more minutes

2008-02-29T09:45:00.001-08:00

I didn't think I'd have any more time to write but after the previous blog, I rushed back to the kiddoes and found Ainslie asleep. Poor baby...

This is from yesterday. We were trying very hard to capitalize on sunshine and fresh air and Ainslie momentarily having enough energy to be up for a bit.

Fly-by update

2008-02-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

We saw the doctor this morning for Ainslie to have her oxygen level evaluated. She was on the oxygen when it was checked and had just prior to that had a nebulizer treatment. Even with all of that, she's only sitting at 94 percent oxygen saturation. Not a bad number but not good enough to quit using the oxygen tank. :(

They're keeping her on that, and the every 3 hour nebulizer treatments, through Tuesday afternoon when we'll re-evaluate. AND, Grady is now needing regular neb treatments. His cough is sounding much worse, he's pretty listless and not eating. RSV sucks!

It's looking like RSV

2008-02-28T06:42:00.001-08:00

We're sticking with the two viruses overlapping story, for now. Thus, the initial gastro-intestinal distress which has currently subsided, and now we're having breathing issues. Her oxygen saturation yesterday was in the low 80s, and she was continuing with the fever. Now, our doctor feels that her respiratory situation seems completely consistent with RSV. So, we're at home with oxygen, oral steroids, neb treatments every three hours...I think that's it. The oxygen has really helped her to rest more thoroughly and not look as completely sapped of strength.

We go back to the dr. to reevaluate things tomorrow. In the meantime, send me "keep the oxygen on" strength.

Lab results partially in

2008-02-27T08:04:00.000-08:00

The first, basic blood work is back, and it looks like her body is fighting a virus. We won't get the rest of the results for a day or two. Grady is now sick, with fever, aches and cough. Not fun but it does help indicate that this isn't likely something specific to Ainslie. We head back to the doctor at 11 a.m.

Ainslie needs your thoughts!

2008-02-26T14:20:00.001-08:00

I'm asking you to do what you do, when someone needs a positive outcome. Pray, send good thoughts, get your vibe on, do a spell, send energy, dance, meditate, write an affirmation, manifest it.

Ainslie has been sick, back to back to back, for like 6 weeks now. First a virus, then the stomach bug, now...I don't know what. She has vomiting, diarrhea, fever, congestion and most of all, just general malaise. She hasn't bothered herself to walk for a couple of days. She just nurses and sleeps (thank the heavens for breastmilk!!!).

We saw our family doctor today, and they ordered lab work. They're testing for roto virus, salmonella, bacterial infections, parasites, the flu. We've done the blood draw and flu test but haven't "captured" the stool sample yet. I'm trying not to feel freaked out but demeanor of the CNP we saw really shouted that she was worried. They want to see Ainslie back in the morning. Fortunately, the other two aren't very sick. They do have persistent night-time coughs but that's it for now. Thankfully because I'm "sicked" out.

It's valentine's day...

2008-02-14T14:09:00.001-08:00

and no, I won't be capitalizing it. It's never been one of my good holidays (like Halloween ;) ). I had a crappy "formative" v-day when I was like 14, and it's set the tone for the "love" holiday ever since. I've traditionally worn black on this day for, well, a long time. However, the general angst and hostility that used to rage have subsided. Now, mostly, it's just a day. A day on which I bought gifts for the kiddies because they are my forever loves. Fionna got two soundtracks -- Alvin and the Chipmunks and High School Musical 2. Grady got a Pokemon game, and Ainslie received a tube of mini play-dohs. And yes, I felt justified in buying myself a mongo-big-choco-chip cookie and an Americano at Starbucks, but that's as far as I'll go in the self-pity.

Enough about that. So, our doings since the last blog... Well, we did ALL (except Lenny but all generally does mean just me and the kids) get the stomach flu. It hit us with varying degrees of strength but it wasn't fun, no matter how you look at it. We all seem well for the moment though, if you don't count Ainslie's persistent thrush. I got a new herbal tincture for that and am starting another round of Nystatin, so let's hope it finally does the trick. Fionna had Pistoleros practice yesterday and we learned that she has at least three more weeks of practice and then one (maybe more?) performance during the WAC basketball tourney. Exciting! I do have Pistoleros pictures to post but they were taken on a different camera that I don't have the cable for, so those may be awhile.

I probably have more to write, if I had a chance to think of it, but Grady says I've been in here "for hooooouuuuurs" so I must go hang with my boy. Ta!

First soccer game ever...and I missed it!

2008-02-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

Fionna's first game was yesterday. Sadly, these pictures are all I saw of it as Ainslie began vomiting (and vomiting...and vomiting...) a few hours before the game. Lenny took Fionna and Grady (and buddy Shalom) and took these "action shots" (as Fionna calls them). She came home tired but thrilled, uncertain whether it was a win or a tie (but also unconcerned). By the time they got home, Grady was sick too. So, Lenny will be taking her to practice today which is a little funny considering that I hesitated to get Fionna into soccer as I was sure all the "work" would fall to me. He's had to handle it so far.

Ainslie is still "puny" as my family would put it but Grady seems better. He's been better at letting his tummy settle and fasting mostly whereas Ainslie just wants to nurse and nurse and nurse. At least I know she's not dehydrating.

Fionna (and hopefully Grady, if he continues to feel well) are bowling-birthday-party bound later. Ainslie and I will be sticking close to home...

Ainslie's newest digs...

2008-02-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

This would be Ainslie inside Lily's overly large crate. We had to take the crate apart to get her out. She was quite proud of herself. :)

The handsomest man in my life...

2008-02-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

...my son!

I coerced him to go for a real haircut (as versus the kind his dad gives him). He cooperated beautifully even though I know he wasn't too happy about it. Quite the contrary, he acted like a freshly groomed (and unhappy) dog and didn't speak for the next half hour. When he did, it was a surly "Will my hair grow back?"

On the topic of Grady, he's been his usual funny self lately. The other night in the van driving home from Fionna's basketball performance, he say "Daaad, you got "dammit" in my head. Dammit, dammit, dammit." After a stunned silence from Lenny and I, I said, "You do know that's a 'bad' word, right?" Grady answers with "I know, but Dad got it in my head. I had to get it out."

Again, on the topic of language (clean this time though), he stumped me the other day when he started talking about damage to his "horse field." He was playing a computer game on a kids' gaming website called funbrain.com. I asked what had happened to his horse, and he got really frustrated and went off on a verbal tangent about planets and aliens and his damaged "horse field." I had to sit down at the computer myself and play the game and finally realized that "horse field" in Grady-speak is a "FORCE field."

I love my boy. :)

Keeping busy...

2008-02-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

It's been a full week, says I, halfway through. Over the weekend, Fionna got hooked up with a soccer team, last minute. So, I've been scrambling to get her registered, track down a uniform and all the other accoutrements. Then, last night, she had a Pistoleros performance. I don't know that I've blogged about this before. It's a basketball "ball handling" group that teaches kids some really great dribbling and general ball handling skills. They practice once a week and also have performances at local sporting events (halftimes, etc.). We've played at the park twice this week, once in bitter cold and then today in lovely golden 'shine. I voted in yesterday's Democratic caucus. It was a hoot, surrounded by fellow liberal human beings. I had a 40 minute wait in line but didn't even mind much. Grady and Ainslie behaved quite examplarily, so that was a nice plus. I also had a parent/teacher conference yesterday with Fionna's teacher. Today, Fionna participated in "Walk and Roll" to school, so we had to get her and her bike to a predesignated meeting place by 7:30 a.m. so she could bike to school with teachers and peers. She was very excited but coming off a week of illness plus the late night basketball performance, she's really tired.

For the rest of the week, we have on our agenda: a plan to play at open gym tomorrow, a visit to a friend's soccer practice in the afternoon (to prep Fionna who came to soccer late), a La Leche League meeting at my house tomorrow night, and Lily (the itty bitty puppy) has shots scheduled Friday.

The weekend holds plans for the Farmer's Market, our first Earth Scouts get-together (at our house to talk "chickens"), Fionna's first soccer game, church, soccer practice and then a bowling birthday party.

I don't know really why I felt the need to share this "laundry list" of my week's tasks but I guess it goes along with what a lot of my mental power is tied up in doing -- keeping track of what I'm supposed to do next. People often make small, "jokey" comments about the life of a stay-at-home-mom. Granted, they all differ but I would categorize mine as busy, sometimes even hectic.

Speaking of keeping busy, I'm plugging away with my herbal course. I've managed about 30 pages of human anatomy text and 12 pages of coloring in my anatomical coloring book. It amazes me that I actually retained some of this information from high school. Who knew?

http://www.gcnm.com/master-herbalist-program.html

(here's a link to the Master Herbalist program I'm studying, again, thanks to my mom.)

BTW, I include my own picture because dh has been teasing me that now I'm a "soccer mom." There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with soccer moms but he's getting at a certain image that definitely isn't me. So, I'm responding with my best non-conformist, non-traditional self. Plus, I'm determined to document that those wrinkles aren't always there. ;)

Peace!

Golden, beautiful sunshine!

2008-02-02T12:13:00.000-08:00

I'm home from a really nice crisp-air, golden-sunshine morning at the Market. It was made even nicer when you factor in the fact that I hadn't left the house since last Sunday, due to one or more of us being ill. So, to be in the brisk air with the bright sun warming me nicely AND to be there with only Ainslie, leaving me a little more relaxed and free to socialize with MY friends -- well, it was pretty darned nice.

I came home to a house that I was able to see with fresher eyes, a house laid low by the fact that we've all been sick with some sort of flu. House cleaning is clearly in my very near future (*grumble*). But first, I wanted to take this brief second to write about my new re-dedication to studying my Master Herbalism course. My mom super-generously paid for me to study online to become a Master Herbalist. It's a 500 hundred study-hour course, and I've been a bit daunted and perplexed as to where to fit it into my life. But, being sick and seeing how I healed myself with 100% herbs and homeopathics (I'm the only one in my life willing to let me experiment on them), well, it reinvigorated my desire to study this.

So, Ainslie's napping and I'm off to study human anatomy. The housekeeping shall simply have to to wait...

Picture drive-by

2008-01-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

Ainslie is sick and has been nowhere except in my arms since Tuesday night, so pictures alone will have to suffice today.

Should I possibly be concerned about her future hair style choices? ;)

Little Lily, sleeping soundly (with a lightly demonic glint in her eyes)

A picture Fionna took of me today. Holy forehead wrinkles, Batman! :o

Lenny, Grady and Ainslie having a Hot Wheels extravaganza.

We've added to the four-legged part of the family...

2008-01-14T15:22:00.001-08:00

It's that proverbial time, when I get to eat my own words. When Mo died last fall, I truly thought that we would not be getting another dog for a looong time. But, as the great wheel of life often does to us, my plan was spun upside down. And now Lily has come to live with us. She's a miniature dachsund, just a few days shy of six-weeks-old at this point.

My brother's dog had puppies in late-November and, as dachsunds have been a kind of traditional family dog for my family, it seemed too well-intended to pass up the chance to have this little critter come live with us.

We picked her up last week. The kids knew nothing of it until I announced that we were driving out of town to meet the grandparents for a "live present." The kids promptly guessed that it was a "donkey. " **scratching of the head** But they were soon happy to make do with the puppy. A dog this small is something new to my kids. Our old dachsund is a standard-size as well as being 11-years-old, so they hever experienced him this tiny. They dubbed her Lily but she gets called Little Lily at this point. She's frequently carried in the sling, rocked to sleep and already sleeps with the kids. I think the love is very mutual at this point. :)

Our beautiful eggs...

2008-01-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

We've been very happy just being chicken "farmers" (as Fionna would have us called) but I won't deny there's a huge boost in the satisfaction when you began finding lovely, delicately colored orbs about the coop and the yard. Our hens have been laying for about 10 days and already, we have such a bounty of eggs. The grey/white barred hens lay green and the black hens and brown hens lay brown eggs. There's some variation between the brown eggs; the brown chickens lay more of a salmon tinged egg whereas the black hens lay a pretty uniform tan egg.

The school session recommenced for Fionna just days after the hens began laying. Fionna immediately instituted a rule that we gather "no eggs" without her. I'm happy to comply but Grady only manages to hold out on some days. It's common for any and all family members to step out the back door and eyeball the coop, so as to report which hen is laying. Although we all know when a certain brown one lays as she's mastered her loud and dramatic "b-gawk."

Have I mentioned, we're getting 4-5 eggs daily at this point? Such fun! :)

Captain's bLog

2007-12-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

Day four of being home with a sick kiddo. I love Fionna dearly but she honestly is the most miserable patient you could ask for. And she comes by it naturally. I hate to be sick too. For me, it's the feeling of not feeling right/good/comfortable in my own skin. And I see that with her, the kind of panic that she doesnt' feel "right."

It's raining, a good stay-home-in-your-jammies sort of day. Good thing, as that's just what I'll be doing...

Ying and Yang (my negative AND positive sides)

2007-12-09T19:47:00.001-08:00

I have a nagging feeling that the proverbial rug may get yanked out from under me again. I posted recently that illness really took the wind out of our sails in October. Well, Fionna's on day 3 of constant fever/tummy ache/chills. I can just see each child (and me, never Lenny for some reason) falling like ailing dominoes. I know, I know, I'm not manifesting good outcomes but it's hard not to be worried that we'll all get sick again. I swear, that's the biggest reality that I feel no one "warned me about" when we got pregnant the third time, the fact that it is damned hard to have three sick kids, often be sick yourself, and maintain some semblance of a normal life.

(BTW, just as I wrote of manifesting illness, a shelf crashed down from the wall, near where I sat. It's a shelf I've been contemplating giving away over the past few days as it holds spice jars I never use and I was thinking of replacing it with an herb rack I hopefully would use. I guess I answered my own internal debate as the jars are smashed and the shelf broken.)

Okay, I've given into my latent tendency toward being negative. Now, for the positive, the past week or so has been so very nice that I've got lots of *good* things to blog about. Last Sunday afternoon, the "girls" (Ainslie, Fionna and I) headed out to watch our local university women's basketball team play a long-time rival. And the "boys" (Grady and Lenny) went their own way for some special time watching "The Bee Movie." (If you're wondering why we divided our forces, we went to a university volleyball game recently, and Grady was very bored, so we thought this might be more fun for everyone.) The basketball game was a good one (we won), and Fionna cheered her pants off. I hear Grady liked the movie a lot too although he turned strangely laconic when I tried to press for details (much like Fionna does when asked about school -- why do kids do that?). After the game, Fionna, Ainslie and I hung out in the van on campus and waited for Lenny and Grady to join us. It happily coincided that the Univ. was doing their annual Luminaria display and we got to walk around and experience that, complete with cookies and hot cider (free!) and a horse-drawn wagon ride. The line was long for it but Ainslie was enthralled at what she apparently thinks were large dogs (she panted everytime she looked at the teams of horses).

In the weekdays since then, we've had a lot of Christmas spirit around here. The kids have decorated the walls and shelves (with some existing decorations, plus some new that they've made). Lenny and the kids put up the outside lights and decorations, a two-night project (in fading daylight, when Lenny got home from work). And yesterday, we got our tree and decorated that. To be honest, I'm normally a bit of a grinch but the kids are making the holidays feel very nice this year. :)

Grady on tonsils...

2007-12-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

Overheard today...

Grady: "Nenna (this is what he calls Fionna), know what tonsils is?"

Fionna: "What?"

Grady: "Tonsils is the punching bag hanging down way back in your throat that you have to hit, hit, hit when you're sick."

_____________________________________________________________________

Btw, we've never discussed tonsils. I guess this is "found" wisdom for Grady. ;)

Pictures!

2007-11-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

I forgot earlier, another thing keeping me from my blog was the fact that my camera wasn't working. Pictures aren't exactly necessary but they make it more fun. :) I figured out part of the problem (it will work with regular batteries, just not rechargeables or with the docking station), so pictures I have. :)

I'm so behind

2007-11-29T12:38:00.000-08:00

My blog hasn't been forgotten, it's just been shunted way low on the list of priorities for several weeks now. I don't even think I could remember everything to recap what has kept me from being here. I will say though that illness was the major deterrant. Fionna had a nasty bout of bronchitis that just lingered and lingered (to the tune of like 3 weeks) and eventually involved her being placed on oxygen here at home. Luckily though, the combination of the oxygen and several rounds of steroids finally helped her get healthy enough to return to school. Other than that, it's been garden-variety colds but they certainly do take their toll after awhile. The other reason I avoided blogging for a bit was I felt like I was focused on sad news rather than good. One of the major sad events that I feel I at least must honor by mentioning is that our dog, Mo, was hit by a truck while I was walking him one evening (he pulled off the collar/leash), and we had to have him put to sleep (his leg was shattered completely, up to the shoulder). Mo, I will always have such guilt and sadness over what happened. You were a loving, joyous dog, and I miss you. Okay, I'm putting that behind me as best as I'm able. Onward...

So...Halloween. The kids loved it as always and were very into every aspect of the holiday. We got to celebrate early at Fionna's school's "Fall Festival" which involved lots of booths and games and fun. And then the actual trick-or-treating -- Grady and I were sick so it was somewhat subdued but still fun. Our neighborhood has finally grown to the point we were able to trick-or-treat here (we were some of the first to move here and it was a scant neighborhood for several years).

This brings me to Thanksgiving. We had a nice, quiet family day with a traditional Turkey dinner that Lenny mostly cooked. Then, the kids and I headed north to my parent's house for the weekend (Lenny didn't come as he was on call). We got some true cold there with some snow, electrical outages and really low temps (7 degrees on Sunday morning!!!). The kids loved every bit of it.

And now...we're home and the kids are in full xmas swing. My house is a flurry of paper scraps as they craft many paper snowflakes. Every day, there's a request for a new Christmas craft or project, and I'm sure they'll convince me to get a tree and decorate soon.

Well, Ainslie has now awoken (Grady assures me he had nothing to do with this), and it's almost time to go pick up Fionna from school anyway. I hope this is the end of my blogging dry spell, and you'll see me here again soon.

There's a change in the air...

2007-10-08T13:35:00.000-07:00

Fall, gloriously cool (relatively speaking) and crisp Fall! I feel I can say this with certainty as me and the kids froze our tootsies off last night. I feel that it's hard to freeze where we live and sleeping as we do, with any number of family members from three to five in a given bed on a given night. But man, with all the windows down in the house, scantily clad as is our norm, and summer weight covers on the bed --- Brrrr! But it sure was a yummy feeling as I awoke this morning with Ainslie on one side, Grady on the other, the dog nestled between my legs and our one light blanket pulled up to our chins.

I love Fall. Where we live, moderate temperatures are to be treasured and we seldom have the nasty winds that Spring usually brings us.

Okay, blogging is apparently addicting because I have at least three other tasks that really need to be done as Ainslie naps and yet, here I sit. :)

It's not writer's block...

2007-10-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

...because lately I feel like I'm constantly blogging in my head. It's getting fingers to keyboard that is the problem. Little roadblocks that have suddenly sprung up, like Ainslie learning to walk and being able to reach the keyboard, Grady wanting me to *play* 24/7, and what not. But, here I am. We've had a particularly nice couple of family days doing things that scream fall at me, liking going to our local fair and the local pumpkin patch. I felt like those were things I just had to make a moment to sit and write about. And, since said pumpkin patch wore Ainslie out enough for a second nap and also, to for once quell Grady's need to *play*, I've got a moment, perhaps not much more, at the 'puter.

Last night we headed out to our local area fair. Fionna had been there on Thursday with a class field trip but it was enough fun that she was more than happy to go back. First we checked out the animals -- poultry of all kinds (we think our chickens are barred rock chickens, I'm SO excited to find out), goats, sheep, pigs, cows and horses. We looked at all the colorful and flamboyant vendors and got past them with not one single bid for a purchase (like I'm used to hearing). We treated ourselves to a shared cotton candy and then headed for the midway. Being the evil genius that I am, I had prearranged with the kids that I had to stay with Ainslie and "Daddy would get to take them on all the rides." Bwahahaha. So, Lenny and Dare-Devil-Fionna made a beeline to the "space ship" that holds you in place with centrifugal pressure and then something called the Sizzler that had Lenny covering his mouth and looking cartoon-green. Fionna was scarcely phased. Grady and I did "fly" in some airplanes, and the kids tried a mirrored fun house with giant slide. They finished up on the carousel and then we got some eats (Indian taco for me, a shared hamburger for Grady and Fionna, and a big ol' turkey leg for Lenny. Ainslie shared beans and fry bread with me). It was one of those family outings that actually went as well as I imagined. No one got over-tired, no squabbles, Lenny actually did not have to leave (I'll give you time to get back in your chair, in case you fell out).

Today's morning was the usual trip to the Farmer's Market and Story Time. Then, this afternoon we set out to the Pumpkin Patch. We toiled in the Maze for awhile (we're maze drop-outs though, we didn't find out way "through"), the kids had a blast on the gigantic PVC slides, and we took a hay ride to pick out pumpkins. Grady has already carved his (it's the smallest pumpkin I ever carved as he can cup it in his hands) and then proceeded to cut out foam "hands and basketball" (I use quotes as they're not necessarily recognizable as such) and stuck them to his new "basketball pumpkin." Fionna got two tiny pumpkins and cut straws to create legs and is busily transforming them into spiders.

Okay, it appears my stolen writing time is fading fast. I'll try to get some pictures up really quick though...

Ten short days...

2007-08-28T11:08:00.001-07:00

That's all it took. Ten days of schooly, first-grade togetherness and boom, Fionna has her first communicable illness, the familiar nurse's call comes, and she's home for the day.

Good ol' pink eye has reared its head two weeks into school. Let's hope the rest of us escape it. And let's hope she's good enough tomorrow for her dentist appt. that's already been rescheduled three times. *~*~crossed fingers*~*~

Could it be like water on the brain?

2007-08-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was titled "peaches on the brain" for good reason. Ditty after ditty, nursery rhyme, what-have-you flitted through my skull, all focusing on peaches. Granted I did peel and cut peaches for 3 hours, only 1.5 of which did Ainslie sleep for (meaning sticky hands plus knife plus baby is tricky stuff). But seriously, why does such nonsensical stuff just keep popping up?

So, today, I'm back to work in my peach "pit" (hardy har har har) and now I've got the text of Jamberry lilting through my cranium. Granted, it's one of our favorite books (especially Grady's) and I do love to read it but, gee, the peaches are bad enough without the accompanying lyrics. I think I'll just succumb....

Moonbery
Starberry
Cloudberry sky

Boomberry
Zoomberry
Rockets shoot by

Mountains and fountains
Rain down on me
Buried in berries
What a jam jamboree!

Peaches on the brain...

2007-08-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

There was a chick named Renee and she had so much to do.

She picked dozens of dozens of peaches and decided to can them too.

Peach butter, cobblers, maybe jam, mmm.

Now she's working like a mad-woman. Oh yeah, got to tend the family too.

How did they use to do this? And without the conveniences I have, plus two, three times the number of children. Or, maybe that's how -- they put the offspring to work. Unfortunately, Grady has pronounced my peaches and all products thereof yucky. Fionna is great baby help but alas, she's at school...

_______________________________________________

I wrote this yesterday but didn't get it published. Today, the tables are turned because Fionna is home from school (another post) and it's not any easier. LOL! Hats off to my grandmothers and all those pioneer women before them, boiling water in kettles over wood stoves and fires, no dishwashers for sterilizing or air conditioners to relieve the house of the cooking heat. The world may indeed be in a downward spiral socially in so many ways, but no one can say we don't have it easier.

"Dread"-ful picture

2007-08-26T17:33:00.000-07:00

I'm being asked fairly often these days for an updated dreadlock photo, at least by the folks that only get to encounter me online for the most part. I've been wanting to get photo documentation of my dreadlock process (I think they've been in for 3 months now) but seldom have any photographers around (Grady persists in shooting me at waist level, if he gets me in the frame at all). So, this morning I got Lenny to snap a quick shot before I headed off to church (yes, this hairstyle is appropriate for the type of church I attend, lol). I know, not technically a good shot to show you dread progress but it will have to do for now. Note the slight glimpse of a lovely hairwrap I'm sporting, compliments of Tawnya. She'd done it awhile back but one of the charms tore out. So, she redid it this weekend. It's green-brown-coral-black and sports a goddess charm and sunflower charm. Body/hair jewelry at it's best, I do say. :)

Update on the wee one...

2007-08-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

I think one of the strongest signs that I'm a third-time mom rather than a first-time mom is that this blog isn't really dominated by all those "updates" that seem to crucial the first-time around. I remember belonging to a bulletin board "birth month" community when pregnant with Fionna and on into her infancy. The littlest things were update-worthy ("pooping every other day now," "tomorrow we'll start sweet potatoes"). I'm not poking fun because I remember how deeply immersed and invested I was in each of those milestones. Our hearts truly do live outside of our bodies as we have children and, especially with the first, everything seems so new and poignant.

Having said that, I'll also confess to having come full circle. Poor Ainslie -- her baby book shows heavy signs of the "third baby syndrome." Meaning that, well, it's got a couple of completed pages, not much more. I decided maybe I better take a page out of my over-enthusiastic parenting book and share an update, seeing as how she just had a nice doctor's check-up and is really on the verge of exciting milestones.

So, at 13 months, she finally hit the 18 lbs, 2 oz. mark. This is up from 16 lbs. just three weeks ago which does make me wonder about the accuracy of that weighing. I'm sure the 18 lbs. is right as I questioned it and watched them confirm. Or, rather than doubting the old one, I can just take pride in the power of mama milk. She is 29" long. She's in the 3rd percentile for weight, mommy-brain dooms me not to remember the height percentile. We're vaccinating on a very delayed and customized schedule. She's only had dtap and hib vaccines so far and did receive one of each at the check-up. We've had some concern because she had a lump in her very little left breast. But, it appears to have "vanished" which supports the theory that it's hormonally-influenced by my hormones through the breastmilk. The doctor has no concern about it whatsoever which is very nice news to me.

On the food front, Ainslie is becoming an enthusiastic eater. Fruits, lately watermelon and peaches, are a big favorite, and she'd eat an avocado a day if I could keep them around the house. This, however, does not lessen her fondness for nursing. :)

Her eating prowess may be related to her mouthful of teeth. She's currently sporting nine with three molars working hard to pop through. She is struggling mightily with those molars but still is so happy-go-lucky. A cheery little spirit, my Ainslie. And she has more teeth at this age than the other two did.

She only has a three definite words so far -- mama (only heard when she's extremely desperate for me), "og" meaning "dog," and "Oh" meaning "Mo" (the puppy). We're working on signs. So far, panting for dog is all she does, although I'm fairly certain she understands the signs for nursing, water and duck. Oh, and she understands "chick chick" although I don't sign for that as I've been using the bird sign for duck and didn't want to confuse things.

For quite some time now, Ainslie has been a climbing fiend. Up a chair, onto the table, down the other side and back up the chair again. Or up on the kids' plastic picnic table. She can get on the beds and couches unassisted now. And found a little cheating way to get on the cedar chest and stand at the living room windows. She's actually pretty stable and has only fallen a time or two, but it still gives heart attacks to walk into a room and find her standing on the kitchen table or something (if you've read old posts, you'll understand when I say she still hasn't managed to get on the stove as I once accused).

On the big milestone front, she is so near to walking. She can stand unassisted (both without pulling up and without support) for quite awhile. And she always smiles the biggest smile and scans the room to make sure it's been noticed. She is walking very enthusiastically with our little push walker. In fact, if it was a more maneuverable design, I think she'd be all over the place. As it is, she can't turn it so she'll zoom back and forth as long as someone is willing to turn her around, over and over and over again. Then back to crawling it is. (BTW, that's why the pictures here are blurring. I was walking backward as she zoomed forward at me.)

Where are they now?

2007-08-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

My children that is.

Well, I'll start with the obvious. Fionna is at school; the two little ones are home with me. Grady, of course, is naked. Ainslie is bare-butted. I mean, is there any other way to be?

Grady was just shortly ago drinking his morning "choci milk" and looking at this way cool book we were given for their birthdays. Food for Thought is so creative and original, it can keep it him busy on his own like few other books we own.

He's moved on now to making pictures for me with foam stickers.

Ainslie is exploring the role of "Destructo Girl." She's discovered unshelving books, oh glory be...

So I was wrong...

2007-08-23T07:57:00.000-07:00

To give Grady full credit, maybe his cry-fest wasn't completely unfounded over the bike crash. The next morning he awoke sporting a fabulously puffy eye.

And now a few days later, a nice dark bruise and lump remain on the outer edge of his eyebrow. Naturally, now that he's past the initial upset, he actually is quite pleased with himself. The story has already morphed into the tale of his "mega-crash" and how he didn't get *really* hurt because he's indestructable. That's my boy...

Busy with a capital "B"

2007-08-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

What a weekend. I may be the quiet, hole-up-with-a-book kind but my kids, not so much. Let's see, last week was the first week of school, so that automatically vamped up our schedule a notch. Friday afternoon we had a lovely playdate with local friends and friends who moved from town but call us when they're passing through (Hi Shaela! *waving*). Great playdate -- the kind where the kids are making up total imaginary games in the best possible way and playing in a big group AND the mommies get to talk. We rushed from there to a movie night at Kamy's to watch the long awaited "High School Musical 2" only to realize we had a scheduling snafu. The movie was playing 3 hours later than Kamy realized and she had conflicts, so I end up coming home with 2 extra girls for a sleepover. Flash forward three hours, three pizzas, lots of nail painting, and it's finally movie time. The kids (including Grady who was exhausted but determined to have his "first sleep over") watch the movie, and I head to bed with Ainslie. Lenny was holding down the movie fort as nighttime tv is his "thang." Thank goodness for him as he carried sleeping girls to sleeping bags at 11 and was still up at midnight to handle the "call my dad so I can go home" scenario. Next I know, it's 7 a.m. and two awfully exuberant girls (considering their bedtime) wake me up for "we want breakfast and tv." Their choice -- ramen noodles and Sponge Bob. I know, you're cringing. Heck, I was kinda cringing, although it was pre-coffee so my cringe-reflex was down. But sleep-overs are a rarity for us and this one had been highly promoted as being the ultimate, so ramen and Sponge Bob it was (I'm sure they'll survive). After a bit of tv, it was dress-up, play with the chickens and jump on the trampoline. I walked the dogs, came home and got all kids dressed (Lenny had headed up before I was up) and took our guest home. Then, onto the next crazy busy activity of the weekend, the zoo (in nearby one hour away town that I'm not naming, lol). We met up at the house of a friend from Fionna's kindergarten class last year. She's moved to a new school but her Grandma and I are working to keep the girls friendship together since they get along so wonderfully. So, off to the zoo. I lucked out because Grady, who was so disgruntled that first Fionna had a sleep-over and now a friend for this, fell asleep for the ride, as did Ainslie. We hit the zoo for a couple of hours and had pretty good luck seeing animals, considering the heat this time of year. The hands down favorite for all I think was the sea lion exhibit. We all liked the underground (air conditioned, hooray) room where we just sat and watched and watched. Then, we headed out for a lunch at a fast food place with a play area (again, thankfully, air conditioned) where the kids played for another hour or so. Then it was home. Again, I hit the sleeping kid jackpot because Grady and Ainslie slept on the way home AND stayed asleep for probably another two hours once we got home. Lenny was napping too, so Fionna and I vegged together.

Today, Sunday, I walked the dogs again. Then Fionna, Ainslie and I headed to church (we attend our local Unitarian Universalist church), while Grady got to go do a couple of tows with Lenny. Later this afternoon, we visited a local park where the highlight was Grady taking a spectacular fall on his like-bike and getting only a small scrape for which he cried as if his neck was broken. No one can say my kids don't do drama...

So, how's that saying go? Oh yeah, I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. ;)

And finally...Ainslie at O-N-E!

2007-08-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

Grady at 4...

2007-08-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

(BTW, we haven't gotten Ainslie's pics taken yet. She keeps getting mosquito bites on the face. Grrr...)

Fionna at 7...

2007-08-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

These were done at our local Sears portrait place. It's my tradition to do pictures near their birthdays.

"Now we live on a farm!"

2007-08-07T20:40:00.001-07:00

No, we haven't moved. But evidently we now meet Fionna's list of requirements for "living on a farm." The list? Here it is:

cats to catch mice -- check (never mind that they are indoor-only cats and there better not be any mice)

a sheep dog -- check (Mo, our new puppy, technically a bird dog but that's just a technicality)

chickens -- as of Sunday, check

a dog "just for fun" -- check (Munch, our old dachshund)

By the way, the first picture is of the chicks in our bathtub. Lenny jumped the gun a little and picked up the chicks before building a coop. So they hung out in the tub for a couple of days while he built during his spare time (aka about 5 minutes per day). And the picture of Ainslie is her being enraptured by the chicks which she calls "og" and "oh," both words for Mo, the dog, her new favorite thing.

I hope, where ever you are, it's good...

2007-08-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

My mother-in-law passed from this life yesterday. Ida Otero B..., born February 22, 1944, died August 1, 2007.

If I had to come up with a theme of my MIL's life, I'd say she did the best she could with what she did. I think it's probably a trait of a dying generation but she just accepted her lot, accepted what life gave her, and lived it.

I know she grew up very, very poor in a Spanish-speaking family with at least five children in the family. She dropped out of school in the 8th grade to work. A heavy smoker her entire life, she told me once that she imagines she started the habit when she was 10 or 11.

The mental picture I have of Ida isn't a rosy one necessarily. Although not necessarily of a man of many words, my husband also doesn't spare words, doesn't bother to brighten up a difficult story. The story of his growing up involves largely his mother's alcoholism. He's grudgingly and briefly mentioned details like sitting on her lap in the car, her operating the peddles and he steering, to drive her to a bar or liquor store. He imagines that he was 7 or 8. He remembers being stopped by a cop when they were driving like this once. The cop merely told him to get his mom home safely. He remembers driving her to the bar like this and then falling asleep in the car waiting.

I don't mention this to denigrate Ida. How can I? -- Alcoholism is a beast that ravages many a family. I mention it instead because she beat the beast. Institutionalized at some point in my husband's childhood (he doesn't remember how old he was), she quit drinking. And never, ever drank another drop. Surrounded by alcoholics, social drinkers, you name it, she never succumbed again.

The last few years have been hard. Lenny's dad died about two and a half years ago. Again, in the tradition of a by-gone era, Ida seemed cast adrift without her husband. She lost her home, her car, lived in numerous rentals and temporary places. But again, I never saw her rail at life or her lack of "having." She just kept on. And certain things never changes. Fresh tortillas every morning, weak coffee, comforting and traditional foods (for this family) like chile con carne, beans, mashed potatoes, whatever, she always offered what she had.

I know, these details don't add up to much. They seem pitifully small. But in my mind, and I know the minds of her family, they paint a picture of a small, simple woman who kept on going, as long as she could.

Where ever your spirit has gone to rest, I wish you happiness and peace. Know that your grandchildren will be taught to appreciate your love and tradition.

Summer is slipping away...

2007-07-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

No, not the heat or the mosquitoes by any means. Rather, the long stretches of unscheduled time, the escape from the rush of the routine and the crush of planned activities. Fionna returns to school in just two weeks. And then shortly thereafter, we'll return to some other regular activities like Kindermusik and weekly open gym time for Grady and dance class for Fionna. Combined with our never-changing commitments of Tuesday playgroup, Wednesday community potluck night, two La Leche League meetings a month, and the monthly API meeting that I lead, our scheduled commitments will more than double.

This summer, being our first with three children in the family as well as our first summer vacation from school, I feel like I recaptured that old childhood feeling of summer being a sacred, magical time. There's certainly been a good number of nights where we weren't watching the clock for bedtime (as we'd grown accustomed to in the school year), where the kids stayed out and swam until the mosquitoes literally sent us dashing for the house, nights where we'd linger over dinner or a family Nintendo challenge, nights when we would lay down to sleep but the constant bursts of giggles stretched the night into another hour (or two) of wakefulness.

This summer's memories are magical too with lots of firsts. Ainslie is at the age where she changes daily -- new almost-words, sounds, talents. She discovered a deep affinity for watermelon and squash this summer. We got our puppy, Mo, just a couple of weeks ago, and now our puppy memories and baby memories are probably hopelessly entangled. Mo can knock Ainslie flat and she'll just clamber up again and say "Oh, Oh" (Ainslie-speak for Mo). Grady's firsts include learning to swim and pretend in gloriously involved ways. Fionna made her first overnight (two nights actually) trip to Granny's and discovered too the joy of sleep-overs sprung upon unsuspecting moms at the last minute. And my firsts...well, the dreadlocks can't be glossed over, lol.

The birthdays, now, for real

2007-07-28T18:18:00.001-07:00

Whoops, meant to blog about the birthdays (albeit AFTER Harry Potter) and then I forgot to do even that. If you don't already know, my children are possessed of the freakish occurrence of three back-to-back birthdays. They're all separated by three years but their birthdays fall three days in a row. We celebrated them last weekend, commencing with Ainslie, followed by Fionna and then Grady. My mom was visiting and did her usual fantastic job of showering them with unique surprises and, in general, making it a very special occasion. She gifted Grady with a Zorro costume (mask, sword and cape), Ainslie with many, many fancy felt birds to discover (Ainslie's middle name, Einin, means Little Bird in Irish), and Fionna with new clothes, a snow cone maker and a beautiful handmade lamp. Ainslie got a lamp as well. In typical Granny excess, there were more gifts but those were, I think, the highlights.

Our birthday bash was planned as a pool party. The monsoon weather threatened to make it a non-event with some flashy thunder and lightening early in the day but the Weather Goddess took pity on us, and the party was on. Keeping it pretty simple, we followed up swimming with cake and ice cream in the park. I played it dangerous by baking all three cakes myself but I think everyone survived unscathed. ;)

I can't discuss the birthdays without paying homage to all our generous and fun friends who shared the day with us and showered my children with gifts. We got lots and lots of lovely new books and several other very well-chosen toys, not to mention the Shrek shoes (I think Grady thinks they were specially designed for him). Thank you everybody!!!

Edited to add: There's great pictures chronicling the day (thanks to my mom) but I'm not posting them here as I don't think I should put other people's children up on the Internet. If you want to see the pictures, email me and I'll link you to my Shutterfly account.

Post birthdays, post Harry Potter

2007-07-28T18:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, the birthdays of my three darling children should get first billing but what kind of fantasy lover, book freak, Harry Potter-isseur would I be if I just skipped over the penultimate Harry Potter moment. (Don't worry, there will be no spoilers here) -- Book Seven is here, I've devoured it, loved it and...I'm sad.

Maybe this will further define me as the quintessential book geek but quite a few of my low emotional spots in life have centered around the end of beloved books. Don't get me wrong, I am a semi-normal person with those more typical sad times (you know, death, loss, depression). But, looking back, I can tick off a handful of periods in my life when I was in a funk because I'd been abruptly booted out of a beloved world...An existence that I felt had existed so enormously, so vividly, and then suddenly, the pages ran out, the characters were snatched away and an entire world vanished. It's hard when you so fully suspend your disbelief that you are immersed in a story, a place, a character, and then you lose it. Yes, I can and do re-read. I've re-read a few books more than a dozen times but there's no recapturing that initial experience and wonder. For me, it's the ultimate exploration.

Now, I've read The Deathly Hallows, and it's over. I can't go back. Like I warned, your geek-dar is probably raging, but my feelings of sadness are genuine. Go figure...

My last pregnant day...

2007-07-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

July 20, 2007

Ainslie,

If someone were to say to me, a year ago today was the last full day you were pregnant, I probably wouldn’t believe it. After all, I can still close my eyes and recreate so many of those sensations of being overfull with burgeoning life inside my belly. I can literally almost feel the kicks and stretches and thumps that rocked my belly so many times. I still sometimes find myself falling asleep cradling my belly, as I did when you were cocooned inside me.

But, were that fictional person to point out that particular fact to me, I’d have to concede that he or she was correct. Because it has been a year, an entire year wrapped into one nano-second that I can only recognize as a blink or two. In the wee hours of tomorrow morning, it will be a year since I woke up in labor, knowing that our family would soon be five. The delay in writing this story seems a bit absurd as I remember how I was after my other births, still feeling the fatigue of labor, but managing to settle down at the keyboard. I honestly can’t say whether it was the simple fact that I’m now stretched between three young ones or, maybe the less obvious but equally true fact that there was something potent about holding this memory within me, all mine. If I had to use a scant handful of words to describe your labor and birth, I would say that – all mine. As none of my other labors could wholly be described, this experience was, is, all mine. Like the proverbial Little Red Hen, I prepared my “nest,” strode and struggled through my labor. The time to push came, and I looked for someone else to own it but they did not. They supported me, they bolstered my inner resolve but they did not own it. I did. I pushed you from my body and then there you were, mine.

Yes, I feel some regret that I’ve hoarded this memory, the power of these words, to myself for a full year. I regret that I won’t remember every unnecessary little detail that I was able to capture with my previous birth stories, those of your sister and brother. But, in holding it for that year, I’ve gained the treasure of the power and confidence that your birth gave me. I fully expect this birth and you, to be my last. My family feels complete and my arms heavy with the love and weight of you all. So, I thank you for what you gave me. And I thank my body for what it gave me, and you.

Let’s see though – details are still important. They are the fine seasoning on a good story. Meat and potatoes can nourish but fine flavoring helps to fulfill. So we’ll see what a year’s worth of sand through the hourglass has done to my remembering.

It was a Thursday night, July 20, 2006. On Thursdays, your dad’s coworker has the night off, so Daddy always works alone. Inevitably, it often seems to be the busiest night of the week. Even more so this time because he was on police rotation (meaning the police called him first for any accidents, impounded cars, seizures, etc.). I woke up fairly early with contractions that were uncomfortable enough I couldn’t just roll over and sleep with them. So, I got up. I’m guessing it to have been around 11:30. I couldn’t settle to much of anything. I think I watched some tv but then ended up cleaning. I did the dishes, wiped the table and counters, began mopping. Like I said before, inevitably, your dad’s phone rang. A police call that he couldn’t turn down. So he left. I would say around 1 a.m.

I wasn’t terribly happy. Throughout all my tidying and cleaning, the contractions were steady. Not relentless yet but unyielding for sure. I felt…unwatched, insufficiently attended to, at least initially. It prompted me to call Tawnya, my primary midwife. It was a feeling like, hello, I’m in labor, there are two sleeping kids in the house, how can I possibly be alone. Typically though, Tawnya was matter-of-fact and set a more pragmatic tone. I told her that I wanted to give her a heads-up that I was indeed in labor, I felt this to be “it,” and I was home alone. She asked if I was okay, and I, of course, said yes because I was. I was just a little indignant, I suppose. After that, I felt better. I kept cleaning, although it seems to have passed in a blur. I don’t remember what time Lenny came home but he slept on the couch. For the life of me, I also don’t remember what time I called my mom or sister-in-law (they were coming to hang out with the older kids). I kept going and going, unable to stop. I’m normally a pretty placid, low-energy person. I’ll sit down and read a book any chance you give me. To be propelled in such a relentless way was odd, almost as if something else was moving me. The contractions were steady, steady, steady. I’m guessing 3-4 minutes apart, about 45-60 seconds long. I was breathing like a train. Loud, audible draws of air through my nostrils, drawn down, down to my belly. Steady, puckered mouth blowing it out. I can do it right now, the same pattern, same steady focus.

The midwives came around 8:30 a.m. I think my mom was already here. Again, I couldn’t swear. Tawnya and Mel, the two midwives I had planned on and hoped for. A surprise was little Abiona, Mel’s daughter (approximately 6 months) but she was happy with my sister-in-law and a good distraction for the kids. Suddenly, now, I realize I’ve scarcely mentioned Fionna or Grady. Truly, this birth was all about ME. They slept throughout the night and woke up, I think, to my mom already being there. They knew I was in labor but were mostly unconcerned. They watched tv, a Scooby movie we had rented, I remember, like some absurdly long dvd of countless Scooby episodes.

I remember pacing, pacing the living room, driven to move, walk, squat. I bounced and rocked on the birth ball. The steady suck and blow of my breath, constant.

Tawnya checked me, 9 c.m.’s. More pacing, squatting. I have a memory of blood, mucus on my leg, I’d lost my mucus plug. I remember asking at some point, “Now what?” I was looking for the direction to push, the command of how to position myself, when to do what. It had always been like that in the hospital. Instead, Tawnya gave me various options of how to push when I wanted. Squatting against the bed is what I remember, Lenny sitting on the bed behind me. It didn’t feel good. Not in the sense that it hurt. A steady, ever-tightening wire of pain had been running through me for hours now. It just felt…scary. I became light-headed, had that sensation of intense cold but breaking out in sweat. They checked my blood-pressure (they’d checked it a couple of times before), and it was elevated somewhat. They had me drink water, lay on my side. I was scared, I felt something was wrong. Mel assured me that this was normal. I had been on my feet for hours and hours. I was tired. They suggested oxygen. I was scared to have the oxygen, I felt like it was a medical intervention. I was driven to ask, is there something wrong with me that I don’t know about? They reassured me again, went over the facts of my tired state, etc. I accepted the oxygen and felt immediate relief. Tawnya offered me the option of “passive descent,” choosing not to actively push but, rather, to push when I needed and otherwise to let my body passively move the baby down. By this point, we were in the bedroom. I lay on my right side on the lower end of the bed. The kids had been outside with my mom and Brooke (my sister-in-law). They came in and saw me with the oxygen, looking more tired and in more pain. They were concerned but Tawnya reassured them that the oxygen was helping me to have more energy, to get through this long process. She talked again with them about the funny noises I might make. I laid there, I don’t know how long, my breaths still rhythmic and so, so important to me. Those steady breaths were my tethering cord to the ground, to a place where I wasn’t overwhelmed with pain, where I had trusted and chosen this experience. Periodically, my stomach and yoni and everything in between were seized in the grip of a huge contraction, and I pushed, pushed, pushed. Then, shuddering, it would subside, and I would just breathe again. I don’t know how long, I don’t know how many pushes. I remember groaning, moaning, deep juddering sounds. I remember Fionna being concerned but I was mentally distanced from her. She had people with her, she was okay. I was all about me, and you, Ainslie.

Suddenly, very suddenly, one of those tearing, pulling, shuddering contraction/pushing combinations came, and I pushed and pushed and didn’t stop. I remember the burn, intense, and the pop, equally intense in the cessation of pain, as your head was born from my body. Tawnya was there, easing your way, as I pushed you fully into this world. Fionna, Grady, my mom and Brooke were all there. Lenny was behind me. You slid from me, and loving hands were there to put you on my belly, my chest. I remember Grady saying something nonsensical and ridiculous about the “noodle” (umbilical cord) and something silly like it had Coke in it for you to drink (this from a boy who has seldom had Coke). Things were going on in the background, bustling, efficient movements but I remember really only seeing you. The pain was gone, gone and, better yet, there you were. You cried, brief lust cries but were mostly content, taking it all in. You lay at my breast with your mouth on my nipple, not actively sucking yet but poised to. Fionna cut the cord, squeamishly, head turned to the side, eyes rolled to catch the barest glimpse of what helping hands were guiding her to do. Grady was giddy, bouncing on the bed, screeching about the messy blood and the “noodle” but in the happiest, most carefree way.

Tawnya and Mel got down to the business of the placenta being delivered, cleaning me up, making sure I was okay. As with my previous births, there was some bleeding and particularly, as I moved and allowed a clot to be freed, and then the placenta was expelled, more hemorrhaging. This was expected and quickly dealt with. I received injections to stop the bleeding. They continued checking and monitoring me. As with my previous births, I was aware of the extra bleeding but not concerned. I knew they had the necessary medication and had covered all contingencies. I knew they had spoken with Kamy (who was out-of-town). I felt cared for and focused essentially on you, my baby. You nursed as I still lay there, waiting for the bleeding to subside further. We marveled at your beauty and perfection, at how similar you looked to Fionna and yet, how completely unique.

In time, I was able to get up, go to the bathroom. Then, back to bed, my own bed already tidied with fresh sheets. You were out of my hands for scant minutes, and never out of my sight. In a bit, after some juice and something to eat, I got up to shower. You were weighed, checked for all the important stuff and again, promptly back to my arms and back at the breast, nursing. Life was, is, bliss…

Ainslie Einin B...
7/21/06
9:58 a.m.
7 lbs. 6 oz, 18 inches

Fundraising for a topic near and dear to me...

2007-07-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

I think most people who know me know that I'm a leader for Attachment Parenting Intl., a parenting support group for parents who follow a gentle and empathic style of parenting. Well, API is having a huge fundraising drive right now. A fellow AP mama and blogger has summed up the event well: http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/2007/07/13/cute-and-cool-stuff-abounds/

Since she wrote, there's even more stuff at the auction. So, if you've got a sec, check it out. You'll find the auction here: http://www.cmarket.com/catalog/browseCatalog.do?ID=fec4a20f54a4a59622631818aa99801c&sortby=Title&cate=All

Ahhhhh...

2007-07-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a good weekend. The kind where Sunday evening rolls around, you mentally recap and can let a satisfied "Ahhh" escape your lips. Saturday morning commenced with a lovely rain shower and thunder storm. We "slept in" to the enormously late hour of 8 a.m.

After a laid back morning at home and an easy lunch, I headed to a "beauty herbal" class. This consisted of a class taught by my favorite and beloved midwives on how to pamper yourself with natural facials derived from food and herbal ingredients easily found around the home. I lavished myself with a cucumber/almond/buttermilk scrub, an egg white/honey/lemon mask, a tea tree/lavender steam, a lemon and rosewater toner and, finally avocado as a moisturizer. To top it off, for about half of the class I only had Ainslie to tend as the older two got to stay home with their dad for a bit (he dropped them off about mid-way though the class as he had a call to go on). So it really felt like fun, pampered, girlie time to me.

I followed up this treat with another one, shopping at the local bead shop for beads and trinkets to dress up my dreadlocks. And then, the kids and I rounded out our day at a birthday party attended by almost all our favorite friends. AND I got to drink a margarita, lol. :)

Sunday was a great day as well although certainly a bit less busy. Breakfast with the family, a home visit with a new mom (as a La Leche League leader) and then my dreadlock guru came over and gifted me with a totally fabulous hair wrap incorporating my new beads and a nifty little goddess charm I picked up. She rebraided my one braid too, so my hair is looking better than ever (if I do say so myself, lol. After all, Tawnya gets the credit).

All in all, a very nice weekend. :) Next weekend is going to be a big one. The long-awaited (by my kids at least) triplicate birthday pool party.

Blogging...post-it note style

2007-07-13T17:26:00.000-07:00

I've come to a realization. My life, rife with three children and the distractions that are born thereof, is not going to let me write in the especially verbiose fashion that I'm prone to. The yards and yards of copy that I string together in my head are almost never going to make it to paper or keyboard. So, in favor of managing to record our goings-on in even a minor way, I'm going to adopt "post-it note" writing. Short, short, short.

OK, I've had like half a dozen interuptions, let's see if I can hold a train of thought together for a mini update...We're in the thick of summer and all the accompanying goodness. The kids finished up two weeks of swimming lessons last week which were a total success. I'm so thankful for the teacher we've found. Fionna polished up her swimming and commenced diving. Her teacher says she shows natural ability. I, frankly, was just scared spitless when she started doing it, lol. Grady, who was in a "mommy and me" class minus his mommy (because I was sitting another child and a friend in the water was minding Grady, learned to swim pretty much on his own. I mean, he was taught but it wasn't initiated that he begin swimming. The idea of the class was for him to have fun and develop a good comfort level in the water. But he's swimming underwater and coming up for air and then ducking back under and swimming more. They both officially swim better than I do now. Ainslie and I had some water time too, and she really had fun. Which is good, given that their joint b-day party is a swimming party. I wanted a party that would meet the needs and fun requirements for all three, and it looks like the pool party is it.

In "me" news, my dreadlocks are coming along. Actually, they are part of the reason I don't have more free time. The child-free time I do have (at night when they're asleep) is now mostly spent doing root maintenance and hand rolling. And that's not a complaint at all; I enjoy it and am still loving how they've look. My resident dread "expert" has happily pronounced that they are dreading so I'm very pleased. We're at about the 6 week point now. I don't have current picture but will attempt for some soon.

Ok, I'm gonna call it quits. In the course of this writing, Ainslie has crawled from the computer area to the child-sized picnic table maybe 15 times. She then commences to crawl on top of the table and down the other side. Impressive to her, terrifying to Fionna (little mother) and distracting to me...Oh wait...genius has struck the little mother (Fionna), she corralled Ainslie (and Grady) in boxes. Now why didn't I think of that. ;)

For posterity's sake...

2007-05-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

Over the years, my kids have said countless cute absurdities, in the way that all children do. Unfortunately, I'm not the organized sort to have written them down. Last week, one of those funny Grady-isms was born, so I thought I'd capture this one.

In a fairly spectacular fall from the top of a playground slide, Grady hit his forehead. He immediately began crying and screaming, and I performed the mother-dash to his side. I picked him up, cradled him in my arms, assessed the damage and said: "Oh baby, look at the size of that goose egg." Grady wailed oh so mournfully, "Mommy, I don't want a bumper egg." Ever since, he's responded to every inquiry about his now blue-green knotted head that he got a "bumper egg." Gotta love my Tator-Boy.

Mommy-brain is, ahem, interesting...

2007-05-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

Most people who know me know that I'm absent-minded, forgetful, distracted. I say the wrong name, the wrong word. I flat out forget. I haven't been officially diagnosed but I feel comfortable self-proclaiming that I have an acute case of mommy-brain. What gives it a way? Well, I've recently burned something, to the degree that the house filled with smoke. It never occurred to me that it was something cooking that caused the smoke. I looked outside to see if the smoke was being pulled indoors by the swamp cooler. I checked the swamp cooker assuming that the motor had seized and was causing it to smoke. I spotted a pot, over a flame, on the stove and was puzzled at who could have placed it there (even though I was home alone with an infant and three y.o.). It was only shortly thereafter that I realized that the hummingbird nectar I was making, intended to only be on the stove for a moment or two, had burned dry and was billowing smoke..

Anyway, on to today's latest big red sign proclaiming "MOMMY-BRAIN." I call dh and very agitatedly explained that I think we have a mouse in the house as "I've caught Ainslie on the stove twice today peering behind it in a very suspicious way. She just wouldn't jump down." Now, if you're not immediately noticing why that would be highly strange, let me clarify: Ainslie is my 10-month-old daughter, not the CAT Maeve that I was sure that I had referred to.

Ay yi yi, Oh Brain, where art thou? More importantly, when will you be back?

Yesterday was a GOOD hair day...

2007-05-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

BEFORE...

AFTER...

So, yesterday I had a "me" day. I sat and watched videos, talked with good friends, drank coffee, ate trail mix (heavy on the chocolate, no less). And got my hair done. For 9ish hours. Granted, not the typical "getting your hair done." Yesterday, my hair went from being very unstyled and nondescript to having character and funk. I got dreadlocks. To be precise, 98 dreadlocks, one braid and one loose tress to be done in a hair wrap in the near future. And damn, I feel good. I'm a weird, funky soul at heart. It's been a long time since I've done something sufficiently non-comformist and out there to really give me this sort of high. And I love how it looks too. Color me happy.

I couldn't have done it without my fabulous friends (and midwives incidentally), Tawnya and Mel. Nine hours of backcombing and childcare (we had five kids present between the three of us) on your day off isn't really a piece of cake, ya know.

On a side note, I'm going to write this here to guilt myself into taking care of it. Look soon for some writing (and pictures) on Fionna's kindergarten and Kindermusik graduations, plus Ainslie's birth story (yes, she's 10 months old but that's how it with the third child apparently).

Sharing some pics...

2007-05-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

Sir Grady, his faithful Rody steed, his handy wooden sword and his block kingdom.

Fionna, sporting a 25 y.o. dress made by my very own mother and Grady, a little under-dressed for the occasion.

Sir Grady has morphed into Black Grady the One-Eyed, complete with hook and cutlass (that mommy cropped, shh, don't tell).

The fair Lady Ainslie, complete with cracker mush and drool...

The very best nest there ever was...

2007-05-08T06:58:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days when I just feel like freeze-framing a moment, it feels so perfect. Fionna is off to school, via the daddy-taxi. They left happy, joking, eager for their days (probably Fionna more so than dh). And I'm left in a quiet house, where Grady and Ainslie are catching a rare late-morning sleep (if you call sleeping until 8 late). I keep tip-toeing in to check, Grady so sprawled and sturdy, Ainslie nestled and tucked in such a tidy little way. It rained last night -- my garden is green and fragrant. I have robins hopping, raucous black birds preening, doves quietly but persistently flocking, and tiny little golden finches perching on the my overly tall (but delectable to them) rocket weed that has full blown seeds heads for them to gobble (picture big dandelions).

I wrote yesterday of my dirty house and over-burgeoning mental turmoil. But this morning I feel like everything in right in my world, my nest ("the very best nest" to quote P.D. Eastman).

Hitting where it hurts...

2007-05-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

I bought a new book, Mommy Wars, a couple of weeks ago. I haven't yet begun to read it as I've been immersed in several herbal texts lately. But I've had a couple of experiences in the past days that make me think perhaps I have some insight into why mothers tear other mothers down. Whether it's single mom versus partnered-mom, SAH versus WOH, AP-style versus old-school discipline, it seems to be the trend that someone has to be right at the other's expense. This morning, when my heart was feeling a little heavy in regard to mommy-issues, it seemed so clear. When the world hits us where it hurts (namely right smack in that monstrously huge love we have for our child[ren]), we're vulnerable, defensive. It seems so trite to say but, goddess, what I wouldn't give for a parenting world where we could just all get along.

I know it isn't necessarily true, but there are times I feel I'm straddling such a fragile, negligible thread of a line between being the parent I want to be, believe in being, and being the parent that, well, just happens. The one who is blogging while her son watches Kim Possible and dishes totter precariously on over-burdened counters. If I feel this desperation, this doubt, how must mothers who are less fortunate than I (in their moral support, financial situation, whatever) feel. Conversely, one might look at me and think "privileged" by some accounts, but have no concept of the inner demons I battle. Point being -- we're all individuals just doing the best with what we've got.

Blech, that sounds preachy but my heart just feels full today.

Fresh from the shower, fragrant as a...well-dressed salad?

2007-04-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

Yep, that would be me. Freshly showered and washed, redundant with the pungence of cider vinegar with slight undertones of lemon and lavender. What the hey, you ask...Well, in keeping with my trend of getting a little "crunchier" and a little more extreme on a yearly basis, I've adopted a new hygiene routine. One that involves no more more shampoo or conditioner for my hair. Thus, the salad dressing rigamarole.

I'm using baking soda dissolved in water as a "wash" and rinsing with apple cider vinegar in water with a couple of drops of lemon and/or lavender essential oils. The idea being that once you stop stripping your hair with artificial shampoos, your natural oil production will reach its intended balance, and your hair will be as healthy and lovely as ever.

The allure of this regimen for me is that it minimizes the number of synthetic products in contact with my body. That's already pretty minimal for me as far as personal hygiene goes (no make-up, no deoderants, lotions, etc.). Actually, the only thing I routinely apply to my body is sunscreen and I try to minimize that as well (by subbing in hats, staying in the shade, etc.).

I'm very pleased with my new hair care these days. I include these pictures as proof that my hair looks as good as ever (also as unstyled as ever, lol). At the point these were taken, I'd been 'poo-free for about 6 weeks. By now, I'm approximately two months from my last shampoo. I'll definitely keep this routine for now, although I'm SO excited to say I'm planning a BIG hair change in the next month or so. :D

I found it!

2007-04-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

The story of my first-born that is. I never knew how scary it would be to think I'd lost those those first impressions and remembrances. It's definitely time to print a few hard copies.

Without further ado...

This is the story of the day in my life of which I am most proud, July 22, 2000, the day my daughter Fionna Rylee was born. Fionna is my first child. It was two days before my edd (estimated delivery date), and I was not expecting to go into labor. I had resigned myself to at least two more days of waiting, if not more.

At 1:30 a.m. on the 22nd, a Saturday, I woke up feeling unusual sensations in my belly. I wasn't sure if they were contractions as they weren't exactly painful, just rather uncomfortable. However, as I lay there they continued rhythmically and I got up and began to time them. I went into the living room and sat in a rocking chair, reading between contractions and doing my breathing when they came. Thus far, they weren't painful enough that I really needed the breathing but I wanted to practice and prepare myself. I woke my husband up after a couple of hours and told him it might be happening. Typical man, he went back to sleep.
About 4:30 a.m., I woke him again and said something is definitely going on. The contractions were about 5-7 minutes apart then but not horribly painful. I continued with my breathing. My husband, Lenny, called to say he wouldn't be into work and we called my mom. Then I showered and we headed into the hospital, about 5:30 a.m. The contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and I couldn't speak normally during them. They were like intense, twisting cramps. The breathing was really helping me not to be scared though. To the contrary, I was amazingly calm and didn't really feel scared as I had expected.

At the hospital we learned that I was already dilated 5 cm. After briefly hooking me to a monitor to check on the baby and talking to my midwife, I began walking the halls. My cousin Jana had arrived by then, and she and my husband walked with me. I would stop during a contraction and lean my forehead on the wall while one of them massaged and applied pressure to the small of my back. That is what helped most for me. The contractions were intense and painful now, coming quite frequently, but I was surprised to find that I was still feeling completely in control and was actually quite excited and happy.

After maybe an hour of this, a nurse came and told me that they had prepared the tub and the water was ready for me to labor there, as I had requested. I got into the warm water and was able to really lay and relax. I hardly even had to do my breathing. My mom arrived and she, my husband and my cousin kept me company around the tub. I was able to joke and laugh. After maybe an hour, a nurse came and said my midwife would like to check my progress. I was almost worried that I had ceased making progress as I hadn't felt any real pain. However, as I stood up, I had a barrage of intense contractions that really took my breath away and forced me to concentrate on my breathing. As this happened, I felt something between my legs and realized I had lost my mucus plug.

I returned to my room and the midwife checked me. I had progressed to 10 cm! At 5:30 I had been 5 cm. and it was now almost 8:30 and I was 10 cm. They prepared me to push. I pushed once laying down but it was causing extreme pain in my back so the midwife had me move to a birthing stool, which is basically the frame of a stool but with no seat in it. I braced myself on this and my husband sat behind me and put his arms under my underarms for support. Sitting this way, I pushed for about 45 minutes. This was the most painful part for me. I wasn't really feeling the urge to push as most women do so with each contraction, I had to force myself to do it, even though it hurt a lot. However, I was still doing it without any drugs or anything! After 45 min. or so, my midwife said we were almost there and they moved me back to the bed. By this point, it hurt awfully to move around. I was in a sort of painful fog and was very, very focused on what I was doing. Looking back, everything is sort of blurry from this point on.
I continued to push as my midwife did massage to try to prevent me from tearing. All of a sudden, everyone was saying the head was out and then suddenly, my baby was laying on my chest, after only an hour of pushing. She was born at 9:28 a.m.

I held her as they rubbed her and briefly put her to my breast. She was having some difficulties with her breathing so they took her to put her under the warming light and try to suction her out. Then they brought her back and we tried to breastfeed. We didn't have a lot of luck at that point because she was still having respiratory problems but it was important to me to have made that initial contact. That is the story of my daughter Fionna's birth.

She had to go to the intensive care nursery for a couple of days because of fluid in her lungs but she was quite healthy and it was more of a precautionary measure. I did have a 2nd degree tear and required stitching. I also hemorrhaged quite a bit and it took a while to get me feeling back to my old self. Because I had labored completely naturally and didn't have any drugs, I didn't have an IV in. Once they got the IV started, they were able to control the bleeding with medication.

But I was soon feeling better and went immediately to the nursery where my mom and husband had been constantly with my daughter. We both made a full recovery and were home within three days. Today she is a thriving little girl and we are a happy family who practice exclusive/extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, cloth diapering, and any other thing that keeps our little girl happy, healthy and content.

I am incredibly proud of my daughter's birth as I found out that I was indeed strong enough to have the natural birth I had always dreamed of. Additionally, it further reinforced my respect for women who have labored throughout history, in much more primitive conditions than I, to bring forth their own children into the world.

A birth story, begun in the middle

2007-04-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

Not the middle of the birth, but the story of the middle child. I want to post the stories of my children's births. The latest story isn't written and I'm trying to track down the first, so we'll just start here. :)

Here is the story of my son, Grady Macleod’s birth. My estimated due date wasn't until July 30th, but on July 23th, a Wednesday morning, I woke up with contractions at about 4 a.m. or so. They were actually pretty painful, enough to take my breath away, but I didn't honestly think it could be the real deal. So, I stayed in bed, and just dozed between contractions. They were about 10 minutes apart at that point. Fionna had her 3 yr. check-up scheduled that day at 8:15, so I went ahead and got up at 6 a.m. Literally, when I stood up, the contractions sped up and moved to only 5 minutes apart. At this point, I realized that this was really happening so I woke up Lenny and convinced him not to go to work (a true miracle) and to go with me to the pediatrician appt. so I'd have backup. After alerting my mom and sister-in-law, we started getting ready. The contrax were pretty steady but not getting any faster. I was able to just stop and breathe thru it and then continue with what I was doing. We left the house about 7:45 a.m. to go to the dr. appt. and I made it thru the appointment. In fact, the pediatrician told me that I definitely wasn't in labor because I didn't have the look. After we left there, I called my midwife. She said why don't we just come by her office so she can check me, thus saving an unnecessary hospital visit if this wasn't really "it." We got to her office, they get me right in, and she checks me. I'm 90% effaced and dilated to 6 cm. She tells me to go ahead and take care of whatever I need to (dropping Fionna off, etc.) and then go on down to the hospital. She said that if I didn't have him before then, she'd be there by noon and break my water and get things going. We have my sister-in-law meet us at the hospital, and she takes Fionna. It's about 10 a.m. at this point, and the contrax are still about 5 min. apart. None of the hospital staff even believed me that I was in labor; they even made me walk up to the maternity ward. After all the formality junk, a nurse finally checks me and I'm at 8 centimeters. They made me lay down for about an hour so that they could monitor the baby. This was hard as the contractions were much more painful while laying down, all centered in my lower back. Afterwards though, I started walking, etc. My midwife gets there around 11:30 a.m. and encourages me to get in the tub/shower. So, I alternate getting in there and walking, etc. I'm guessing it's around noon that she checks again. I have a small lip of cervix remaining, she says I'm probably still at 8, but she goes ahead and breaks my water. Not much water comes out so I start walking, squatting, swaying, etc. After moving for a bit, I get a big rush and then continual leaking of fluid. But, still no urge to push or anything. At that point, I just felt really sleepy. So, I say, I'm just gonna lay down for a sec. I lay on my side on the bed for about 2 minutes and wham, it hits me. Bad pain and an uncontrollable urge to push. (I forgot to say, my mom had since picked up Fionna and my SIL was there with us). So, sister-in-law runs out to get the midwife, and she comes in and says okay, let's go. She checks me and I've still got that little lip of the cervix remaining so she keeps her hand in "there" to massage it out of the way. I'm laying on my side with my knees way bent and pulling my legs up to push. I pushed maybe 5 times and he was crowning. The midwife really worked to get me to push slowly as he crowned to prevent tearing but ultimately I tore a little because one hand was up against his face, and I tore there. As soon as he was born, they put him onto my lower belly. He had a really short cord, so he wouldn't reach any further! The placenta was delivered immediately after, and the cord cut soon too. Then, they moved him up to my breast where he right away started licking my nipple and rooting around. They let him do that a bit, and then took him to the warmer to suction him out, etc. I had a postpartum hemorrhage with Fionna, so the midwife was working hard to prevent a repeat of that. I got a couple of shots and first two, then one more cytotec (sp?) pill. It wasn't working at first and I was gushing a lot of blood but they started an IV of pitocin (I had a hep lock in for this possibility), and they got it under control. At this point, my midwife began removing a cyst that I had on my perineum. We had discussed it previously and, since I had already tore, my midwife was willing to try to remove it as she repaired my tear. This was ouchy & took forever. It ended up being two cysts, and she had to dig them out. Ultimately one of them did burst, so there is the possibility that it/they could come back. Anyway, she said they looked consistent with the "safe" kind of cyst that they were diagnosed as, but she's sending them to pathology just in case. Sewing me up was really painful because the outer most layer of skin wouldn't deaden, and I felt all the stitches but oh well.
Now...Grady. As soon as they laid him on my belly, I saw something that shouldn't have been there. On his left hand, he had a small sixth finger, right next to his pinky but dangling by just a thread of skin. I immediately pointed it out, and the midwife assured me it's pretty common, don't worry, etc. But, I'll admit I was upset., just a feeling like something went wrong, I did something wrong, I don't know. The pediatrician saw it the next day, and had it x-rayed. There is no bone involvement, so it's merely this little piece of skin and a tiny little vein that were sustaining it. I admit I really, really just wanted them to cut it off, but they wouldn't. Instead they tied it with a piece of suture and will let it "die" and fall off. This should take about a week. He went in for a weight check on Saturday at the pediatricians request (to make sure the finger wasn’t causing any pain and impacting his gaining). He was only 3 oz. under birth weight and had already gained part of what he lost in the hospital, so that’s great news.
Aside from this small "surprise," he is an absolutely perfect and beautiful boy!!! My life was immediately enriched and expanded the moment he slid from my body... a moment I'll treasure for always!

And the moral would be...

2007-04-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

It seems fitting, with my inability to write with any sort of frequency, that I should assume I won't have much time for this blog entry and just skip right to the end. And so: the moral of the story is "don't overly plan, don't wait for events worthy of words, just write!"

It's been something like two months and my plan of a couple of blogs per week seems so laughable that I'm almost too embarrassed to articulate it here. It isn't for lack of thought. I've planned witty entries, honest entries, worked on gimicky names for my family, addressed issues, current events...And so, where is it. Lost in the infinite nether regions of my mommy-induced brain fog. That isn't to say that my kids are such trials that my brain isn't all it should be. Rather, I just feel that I'm not quite as sharp, organized or intellectual as I was back in those pre-child days. But, I'm so many other things that I wasn't before, that I'm quite happy to trade. After all, I don't mind my not-too-sharp self too terribly, and those around me seem able to cope with my slightly fuzzy self.

Anyway, with excuses addressed, the moral tended to right up front, I'd best plunge on. After all, the littlest one in the house had to be dosed with teething tablets (homeopathic) and constantly distracted with items from my desk to keep her happy (she's at elbow's reach in her high chair). I offered the dubious bribe of Sponge Bob to the older two but they were bored of that within 5 minutes and are raiding the china cabinet for porcelain dishes to stage a tea party with "real" tea (an herbal mint blend).

We've had a busy week. Typical in many ways, with a couple of new events thrown in. We hit the park in usual fashion for a few hours on both Monday and Tuesday. Fionna was at school but Grady and Ainslie and I hung out at the park. That means there was much bike riding, sliding, climbing, chasing of birds, hunting for acorns, and squabbling of children. In the baby department, it doesn't call for much of a change in agenda. Babies at the park are held, play on blankies, worn in slings/wraps and nursed. Well, to be absolutely accurate, let me insert the word nursed between all those activities and you'll have a truer picture.

(Okay, better hurry through the week, the tea party is descending into dissent...)

Tuesday afternoon is Kindermusik time. Fionna and Grady both have classes, both with friends. It takes up a good couple of hours between classes being slightly staggered and lots of play time before, after and between.

Wednesday morning was spent somewhat atypically, with friends at Kindermusik again. We were doing a makeup class (after an absence) and they were trying out the next level of class, which Grady is already taking. We lunched together as well, a treat for all involved.

Wednesday evening is a big weekly event for our family, well, the kids and I. (You may have noticed dh doesn't really figure much in our daily plans. I can sum up his daily events in a word: work.) Okay, Wednesday is Community Dinner, a potluck event with friends at a local park. Better than just friends and good food, I think it's a constant symbol of how we've all committed ourselves to taking care of our earth, even in little ways. So, for our circle, this means Wednesdays with no disposable utensils or plates; everyone brings from home and re-washes for the subsequent week. The food is largely vegetarian, although not by design necessarily. It's certainly eclectic oftentimes and, I think, is safely described as healthy to the most part. It occurs to me that my description of Community Night probably isn't at all what my kids would say. Their description might go something like this: "Running, yelling, riding our bikes, peeing/watering the trees, friends, fun." This is an averaged-out description. Fionna's would be more wordy, Grady's perhaps less. Anyway, suffice it to say, it's a favorite occasion of the week typically.

And now we arrive at why, although I may be a little fuzzy, I can still claim sharp mommy instincts. Meaning, it was good to start at the end because the tea party is taking on a Boston-tea-partyish-air and the baby is no longer amused with random "toys."

Until next time...